The Dreamers [ONC2020] | ✓

Ten | Finn

I give myself one more day before forcing myself to go back to class. 

I can't afford to fall behind on school material, but I really need that step backward to focus on my incensed mother and the results of her fury. She found out about my father helping pay for my tuition, and her rage has pushed my father to withdraw his helping hand. I'm now stuck with the possibility of not being able to continue at Everwood after this school year. There aren't any good solutions, but I've managed to create a shaky plan which includes financial aid and scholarships and for that, I need to attend class.

Over the next few days as I catch up on lectures and homework, Sean doesn't press me for answers. He catches himself each time he starts asking a question, furrowing his brow as he remembers that I promised to give answers later.  Though he's worried, he gives me enough space while making sure to touch base every now and then. We discuss upcoming finals and the weather, and never quite broach the subject of our strange dream interaction. I think both of us are puzzled by the experience, but it's not a priority for me right now and Sean seems to understand that. He spends time thinking about it, and my eyes linger on his face while he gazes out the cafe window, immersed in his thoughts.

I spend my time gathering my thoughts and settle back into a routine. It is an early afternoon in the middle of the week when I send Sean a text: Do you want to go for a walk?

Sure, he replies. I throw on a jacket and meet him outside. Sean has on his red beanie and a hoodie under a jean jacket. He smiles in greeting, I nod in return, and we head to the woods.

Snow drifts down in soft flakes, blanketing the ground in a thin layer of white. We walk to the viewpoint in silence, our shoes crunching against the snow and dirt as we trudge upwards. At the top, the valley shows itself in a drapery of white, ice dusting fir boughs like confectioner's sugar. For a moment the clouds clear enough for the sun to shine on the hilly slopes.

"So," Sean says, his breath fogging the air, "What is this about?" There is a log in front of us marking the edge of the trail, and he climbs on it, feet scuffling away the snow. He gestures for me to join him and I do, arms out as I try to maintain my balance. 

"I'm sorry," I say first, something I'd planned over the past two days. "For speaking so harshly when you were only looking out for my well-being. It was uncalled for."

"You were — are — going through a lot," Sean says. "I understand. It's fine."

"Still." I take in a breath, preparing myself, and let it out slowly. "I owe you an explanation." 

Quietly, I describe what happened after we split up that Saturday night: the awful phone call from my mother, the back-and-forth conversation with my father, the helplessness I felt and the frantic visits I made to Everwood's student finances department. Sean listens in silence, his gaze never leaving my face as I speak. 

"Thanks for telling me," he says once I finish, and adds, "I'm sorry, Finn. That really sucks."

I brush snow off of my jacket to give myself an excuse to do something. "Yeah, well — it is what it is."