Delusions of Grandeur (a Star Wars Story)

Chapter 3

Padmè was one of the few people who really knew Anakin Skywalker personally, intimately. Now, of course, she was his wife, so that made sense- but there was something deeper than just the bonds of marriage that brought them together, and made her get him... There were a lot of times when Padmè knew him better than he knew himself. Padmè didn't think she'd ever actually admitted this to him because it would hurt him deeply... but, Padmè felt as if there were very select times when Anakin's mind fragmented and there was a good part and a bad... Like the time when the Tusken Raiders tortured his mother, and when he found her, and she died, he killed the whole village... She recalled the moment as surely as she lived and breathed.

I killed them. I killed them all. And not just the men- but the women- and the children too. They're like animals, and I slaughtered them like animals! I hate them!

But, she also recalled the moment where he admitted that he knew it was wrong. I'm a Jedi. I know I'm better than this.

At this moment, as they relaxed after their nice dinner; Padmè got the feeling that Anakin was going through some such mental anguish, and as much as she feared to know what he'd done, she knew it would be better on both of them if he just admitted it... Then, the wound could heal.

Padmè had actually become pretty adept at reading the moment. Anakin looked off into the middle distance, not really looking at anything actually. He looked distressed, and finally, she had to ask if he wanted to talk about anything.

"I don't know that I really want to talk about it- but I think it would be a good thing to do."

Padmè was actually surprised he agreed to it so quickly. Normally, she'd have to go half out of her mind trying to get through to him... But somehow, her husband was calm, and in a state of mind which allowed him to respond to her words in a positive way. Actually, for once, Anakin actually frightened her by the fact that he was so calm about her question. But, she was glad he was being sensible, so she forced herself to look past it for a moment.

Anakin and she spoke, seated on the purple sofa in her formal living room.

His hand trembled for a second, which told her that he was about to be very honest with her, no pretenses. He explained how they got to the ship and found the Chancellor- at least a little more in-depth than he had previously. Then, he began to tell her the parts he'd failed to mention the previous night.

"Obi-Wan was unconscious and I knew I was going to have to finish the fight on my own. Since I knew how I felt about Dooku, I wasn't entirely thrilled with the prospect."

"I can't say I blame you." She nodded, with him so far. Of course, she knew it was going to get worse really soon- just from the way Anakin's voice shook. He had to consciously try to stop it.

As good as he was at pretending to be fine, it wasn't fooling her for a second.

"I dueled Dooku and finally, I had him cornered- unarmed- literally."

Her breath caught.

"I was just going to take him prisoner and get out of there, but Palpatine, he told me that Dooku was too dangerous to be left alive... I mean- he wasn't wrong... but the man had no arms- what was he going to do? Before I knew it, Palpatine was telling me to kill him. 'Kill him now'. The thing about this was; the look on Dooku's face, it was as if he was shocked. If Palpatine had previously been his enemy, as I thought, wouldn't Dooku find it normal to be treated in such a way? I must admit, all that didn't go very far in my mind- until afterward..."