The Heart of A Killer.

39.

Chapter 39 |

O R L A N D O | G O N Z A L O

I'm going to meet with my ma today. She's been calling nonstop about seeing Savay. I lied and told her she didn't feel good. But the truth is she and I are obviously not on the best terms right now. I truly feel like shit for what I did. Honestly, I don't know what would make me say that to her.

It's sad, I tend to fuck up things a lot. But, this hit the spot for me. I've been a complete wreck. I rarely attend the sessions of my classes anymore. I often call in and say to have another teacher do it or that I'm too busy. When in reality, I can't even think straight.

I knocked on her door as the devil itself opened it. "Hello, brother."

"Ew, the poor." I brushed past her as she laughed hitting me on my back.

"Mama told me you were coming by and I wanted to see you."

"I'm not shocked, I am someone to want to be around."

She rolled her eyes, "I like it."

"What?"

"Imagination."

We both laughed as I asked where mama was, "Where every Latina mother is... in the kitchen."

I chuckled walking in seeing her cutting steak and bell peppers. "Hey, mama."

"Oh. Look what the food brought in." She laughed. She grasped me in her arms hugging me tightly patting my back.

"I can see it in your eyes pa, something's wrong. Want to talk about it?"

"Yes. That's why I'm here." I gave a forced smile. She pointed to the stool telling me to sit down. "Well let me take a guess. Savay isn't here, and she loves coming here so you both are into it?"

"Yeah." I nodded

"What happened?" I signed as I started explaining everything. My heart started beating faster as her face grew angry and she slowly started walking closer towards me.

"So... yeah. T-That's what happened." I nodded

"Did you apologize?"

"Ma, what type of question is that? Of course, I did. Hundred times and she won't even acknowledge me!"

She put the pot on the stove as she wiped her hands on her apron. "Can you blame her? You said some hurtful things to her. & I know why you're upset because you think you have become your father."

I didn't say anything. It was true, she read right through me in a manner of a story being told.

"You can't get mad because of the way she is handling this. This is now the mother of your child. Hopefully, soon to be wife. The things you said to her can't just be forgotten in a blink of an eye just because you made it happen doesn't mean everyone else can forget."

I huffed, "I didn't mean it though. I'll never say something like that to her. I don't know where the hell it even came from. & if she knew me so well why would she believe anything I said?"

"Maybe because that's how she actually feels? Have you ever asked her does she feel like she's been nagging since she got pregnant? Or that she hasn't been doing nothing ever since she found out she's been having a child? She probably had these thoughts already and for her you put the cherry on top confirming that all her insecurities were right."

"I-I didn't even think of it in that manner. I've been trying so hard to get her attention. I can't live without her, and that's something I really stand on."

"Let me ask you this son. What is it all you think you need in your relationship?"

"Trust. Honestly. Communication and Loyalty."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Wrong." She shook her head

"You need comprehension."

I sat there dumbfounded on why.

"Remember how you and your sister would have arguments about you explaining WWE but she still never knew the rules?"

"Like it was yesterday." I laughed

"What I'm trying to make you understand is, no matter how many times you say something, express it, show it, prove it. If the other doesn't understand what your trying to say or imply then it's all pointless."

"But she knows I love her, so why make all this hard for me?"

"Maybe she doesn't know if she loves you or not."

My heart sunk from those words. All the shit I did for her and she has to second-guess if she loves me or not. That's straight bullshit and she should know it.

"What are somethings you think she can improve on?"

"Her attitude. The way she handles things, she moves before she uses her mind. Everyone has different way of handling things in different situations. But with her, all situations deserves the same reaction. & I feel as if that's wrong."

"That's true. I can agree with you on that. But why does she handle everything the same?"

"Because that's all she's been introduced to her whole life. & I'm trying to change that, but every time I don't take her side I'm the bad guy."

"Sometimes you have to let those hit their head in order to realize the true lesson in situations. You & Tony would be somewhere dead if I didn't let you all learn your lesson. Because God gives everyone a mission to complete, now if I gotten in the way of that every time... I would be interfering into his lesson. I would then be y'all God. & I can't be that, because I won't be here forever. So take some time to let her understand the situation & what shes going to do to make sure it never happens again."

I signed from all this advice I was handling at one time. Maybe she's right. But I can't leave her on her own when she's carrying my child. She wants to be able to handle herself but I know she can't when it's someone else she has to look out for, which is our baby.

I hugged my ma, "Thanks Dr.Phil. I needed that."

"Shit start paying me for times like this." We both laughed as we sat down eating.