The Disillusionment of a Thousand Lifetimes | ONC 2020

one [mother]

"Hang the Empress! Hang the Empress!" 

I was standing in front of a sea of people, their faces blurred but their voices clear as day. My hands and feet felt heavy, I looked down to see myself chained. Grime and a foul scent surrounded me as if I was kept in a sewer for weeks. I raised my head and stared at the figures sitting on an elevated stage a few meters in front of me. The chants of the masses getting louder and louder until the man donned in yellow dragon robes lifted his palm as if demanding for silence.

The whole square became quiet as soon as that man raised his palm. He was looking straight at me but I can't see his face clearly. My heart pounded wildly in my chest, recognizing this man. My hands felt clammy and my eyes burning as tears threatened to come out.

Why am I reacting like this? I've never seen that man before.

"We gather here today to witness the Empress' execution." The man announced, his direct voice echoed across the whole town. "The Empress is charged with harming Our unborn imperial child inside Concubine Li, causing Our beloved concubine to miscarry." I can't clearly see his eyes but they felt cold.. so cold. "The punishment for murdering an imperial child is death."

Suddenly, I heard someone laughing. Although it was indeed someone laughing, somehow it sounded sorrowful and full of heartache. I looked around to see who it was until I realized, I was the one laughing.  

"After everything I have done for you and this blasted empire, I still ended up like this." I heard myself talking, I can feel my eyes blazing with hatred—wanting to rip those two figures sitting in front to pieces. "I standby my innocence, I did not harm Concubine Li nor her bastard child."

"Impudence!" The man shouted, "You dare call this Emperor's child a bastard?!"

My body moved on its own, looking at the other figure on the platform. Like all the other faces, hers was blurred. I can still see her beauty through the blurriness though. "Concubine Li should be the one most clear about this matter, are you not?"

"Emperor I—" I heard her softly talk, as though she was holding back her tears. I felt a strong sense of disgust as I heard her talk. 

I've never met this woman before, why do I feel so disgusted?

"We know beloved concubine," The man appeased her, his tone acting as if a tone higher would break her, "We believe you the most, do not worry lest you harm your health." The woman nodded and buried her face in the man's arms. 

Oh god, I want to hurl.

After the couple was done coddling, the man then stood up and said, "As the son of heaven We have the right to deem the Empress guilty of her crimes. She will be stripped of her title and hanged in front of the public." 

Cheers followed after that then someone pulled my chains forward, setting me closer to the rope that would soon take my life. I felt myself taking a deep breath and closing my eyes. Someone was placing the rope around my neck, I can feel the rough texture of it. Somehow, it gives me comfort. I could not hear anything aside from my own breathing and heartbeat.

"Pull the lever!"

Soon after, I felt the rope tightening around my neck, my feet dangling and my body instinctively gasping for air.

This is horrible.

Please, somebody, help me.

Please...

—*—

I gasped suddenly sitting up on my bed, sweat dripping from the side of my face, my hands frantically touching my neck. When I was sure there was nothing around my throat I finally calmed down.