Lights Out

When Kaylee and Paige Woke Up.

My mom gave Shawn and I our food. She sat across from me, looking at me weirdly. "Mom, what's wrong?" I said looking at her hopeful she'd believe me. "Nothing, I'm just making sure you guys eat." My mom said. My dad came downstairs and walked into the kitchen. I heard them whispering. "John, I think she's on drugs! She's talking about people who don't exist! She's talking about being in a group that hasn't even been formed yet!" I heard my mom say trying to keep her voice down. I looked down in disappointment. My mom doesn't even believe me. Why would the police? But if it's a drug induced memory. Why does Shawn remember it? Why do Kaylee and Paige remember it? If it was I should've been the only one to remember it if I was the only one who went through it.

I heard Kaylee and Paige coming downstairs. I saw them walk into the living room. "Hey guys, you hungry? We got muffins." I said faking a smile. "Is there anything else? I'd rather not get drop kicked by Shawn for touching his muffins." Paige said laughing. Shawn glared at her. "Ha. Ha. Very funny." Shawn said staring her down. "Hey Shawn, want some tomatoes?" Paige said with a smirk. "Yeah, give me some to through at your face. Make you actually look good." Shawn said smiling. Paige looked down in defeat.

Shawn and I went back upstairs. He stayed over a lot, so he had left clothes here before. He grabbed some. "I'm gonna take a shower baby." I said pulling my hair out of my ponytail. "Okay. I'm gonna take one downstairs." He said. Going to grab a towel. "Okay." I said closing my bathroom door and locking it.

I walked over to the window in the bathroom. I locked it. I pulled the curtain completely shut. I started the water, but decided to get in the bath instead. I got undressed and got in. I leaned back, feeling so amazing. I started to shampoo my hair. Rinsing it out with my hands in the bath water. I put a little bit of conditioner. I grabbed a razor and started shaving.

I looked at the razor feeling an urge. Shawn had made me so happy, I stopped self harming. I stopped myself, knowing Shawn would find out. And I didn't want him disappointed in me. I hated that feeling more then people being actually mad at me. I would rather people be mad at me instead of disappointed in me.

I drained the water from the bathtub and started drying myself off. I grabbed my brush and started brushing through my horribly curly hair.

You see, I'm mixed. (Literally everything except Asian.) And my mom has curly hair, and so does my dad. So I have more of my mom's type of hair, but it's still really curly. I looked in the mirror. I couldn't believe this was me. I couldn't recognize myself. I looked hurt, tired, overwhelmed. I just couldn't bare to look in a mirror. The more I tried to recognize myself... The more I hated myself.

I looked down on the counter and saw the gold ring with one diamond in it that Shawn had given me. No, it wasn't a engagement ring, considering we are both only 16. It was a promise ring. To always be the person there, whenever I just needed someone. Even if I didn't want him, if I just wanted someone. He promised that even if we broke up for any reason, he'd still be there for me. He was the best boyfriend I've ever had. He loves me so much, and he is the only one who has been able to deal with me for more then a few weeks or a month or 2. We were going on a year pretty soon. He is literally the best, he understands me. And even when I want to tune the world out, somehow... He's not a part of the real world... He's a part of MY world. And he is a BIG part of it.

I dried my hair off and continued to brush through it. I blow dried it. Then slicked it back into a pony tail. I straightened my bangs and put one big curl in the loose hair of my pony tail. I put on a white tank top, put my favorite flower vest, my jean shorts, and a pair of white converse. I decided to put on makeup because my eyes were droopy and I didn't want my mom to look at me like that again.

After I was done I walked downstairs. Sitting with everyone else. "We're going to the grocery store, you guys want to come with?" My dad said looking at us all. We all nodded and walked to the car. Shawn and I sat in the back. I took my mom's iPod and headphones and turned on music. I was zoned out, staring out the window. When Shawn grabbed my hand and squeezed it. I looked over at him and smiled. I intertwined our fingers, and rested my head on his shoulder, he rested his head on mine. And we listened to the music together, happy as can be.

Too bad the happiness never lasts.