Lights Out

Hospital... Again!

I sat in the hospital bed, just thinking to myself until everyone walked back in.

"Jordan, if you don't want to talk to them. You don't have too... And you don't have to press charges against Alex. He seems... Confused." My mom said trying to talk me out of this. "Are you this fucking blind mother?! Hes the reason behind every scar on my body. He's the reason of why I had eating disorders. Mom he would beat the hell out of me, every. Night. And the sad thing is, your mom is supposed to be able to know when someone is bad for their child. They're supposed to know when they're child is hurt. They're supposed to protect their child. You honestly didn't put together that I was cutting, suicidal, anorexic, and had bad bruises and wounds while I was dating him?" I screamed at my mom with so much bottled up anger about her thoughts on Alex. "You didn't tell me, Jordan!" My mom yelled back. "I tried, SO many times. You never want to hear it! You honestly couldn't tell?! I was fine before him, but you honestly didn't think it was because of him? That's pathetic." I said amazed by how stupid my mom could be. "I'm your mother, I'm not psychic. If someone was hurting you, you shouldve come to me." My mom said starting to cry. "I couldn't, you started loving Alex more then you loved me. You listen to him, you give him advice... You hug him." I said feeling my heart break from saying that sentence. "Its sad when some people can trust your mom with their secrets but you feel scared to tell your mom that you need tampons." I said before she could answer. "Jordan..." My dad butted in. "No. Fuck. Off. I only want my friends here. Get out." I said crying. I couldn't figure out if I was crying because of what Alex has done to me, because my parents never showed affection, or because Ive with held my sadness for so long. "We aren't leaving." My dad said glaring at me. "Do you honestly want me to get up, rip these IV's out and leave? I will I just need to know if you honestly want to be that difficult." I said clenching my jaw. "Stop this, Jordan. Its not just your mom's fault, you could've told us too. Its a 2 way street!" My dad yelled.

"YEAH WELL MY FUCKING SIDE OF THE STREET ALMOST KILLED ME 4 TIMES! I THOUGHT EACH TIME I TRIED TO OVERDOSE THAT MAYBE YOU GUYS WOULD FINALLY CARE! BUT YOU MAKE ME FEEL AS IF EVERYTHING IS MY FAULT! AND IT ISN'T!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "If you want to die, just do it already." My mom spat at me then walked out. I finally, officially knew that my mom. The person that is supposed to protect you from harm. That is supposed to love you more then anyone else ever could. Well that person that everyone else I know has, mine wanted me to dead and didn't love me. "Why dont you go with her dad? You obviously both hate me." I said staring at my scars. "Because no matter what your mom feels, I love you. Your mom has her own mental problems, you know she didn't mean that-" my dad said before I cut him off. "No, she meant it. Dont worry, I'll only come home for my stuff and I'll never be back." I said digging the IV's deeper in my arm. "NURSE! COME QUICK!" Shawn screamed as he saw me messing with my IV.

She ran in and they restrained me. "It was moving around, I was trying to fix it!" I said. "Are you sure?" The doctor said. "I'm sure, its itching and burning." I said looking at my IV's. "Okay, you guys can go." The doctor said as they all left. Shawn looked at me with pleading eyes. "Leave." I said as tears burned my throat. "I'm sorry, I'm so afraid of loosing you." Shawn said as he began to cry. "We're done. So how'd that work out for you?" I glared at him. All of a sudden I was so angry at Shawn, for no reason.

I saw the heart break in his eyes. "We're done? Just like that?" Shawn said choking on his words. "Yes, you don't trust me. And relationships are all about trust." I said with no emotion. "I do trust you, I got scared. I thought you believed your mom." Shawn cried harder. "No, I wasn't. But you didn't think higher of me, know me better than that, or trust me." I said as if I didn't care. "The thought of loosing you scared me, I panicked." Shawn said as his voice cracked. "Well, the fact that you didn't trust me was what made you loose me." I looked at him, crying. "Please, Jordan, I'm sorry. You're my everything. Don't leave me!" Shawn choked on his own tears. "I don't know." I said looking around.