Loki After Endgame: Cheating Death

Chap 36: Alfheim

Loki:

After the glimmer of my mother's consciousness has finished answering my questions, I emerge from the bathroom to find that Kamilla is no longer in the bedroom. Glad to be rid of her presence, I stretch my sore limbs out on my bed ignoring my grumbling stomach while I fiddle with my favorite dagger. Reflexively, I pinch the bridge of my nose, feeling the familiar dullness of a headache coming on. I'm still furious that my apprentice betrayed me, but I can't stop myself from turning some of that anger towards myself. I've been unforgivably careless, letting myself actually get attached to the awful girl.

Stupid! Utterly idiotic! I reproach myself inwardly, my self-hatred resurfacing. How brainless can I be? Befriending a human? Letting my walls down for my own apprentice? It's both dangerous and futile! As if she can ever understand someone like me. I was doing fine on my own before she showed up! I always do better when I'm on my own. My shoulders sink suddenly heavy, I've had to.

I've had to grow accustomed to always being left behind. Because no one ever sticks around! Not after they see me for the monster I truly am. I let out a heavy groan, I'm everything that I hate and no matter how hard I try, I can not outrun my own disgust.

I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on the bright lines of light darting across the inside of my eyelids. Spidery veins of what look like lightening weave and clash in the darkness. Twining, surging, spreading out like sharp blades slicing through the darkness. Always spreading, always clawing for more; a ferocious need deep inside me, desperate to escape. My limbs tighten as the churning in my gut builds, Let me out! It demands from within. Let me out!

I snap my eyes open and push the darkness down deep, forever locking it away. Never.

I let out a low growl, No. I will not let you out.

As my mind flits back down its familiar path, my thoughts grow heavy with despair, I am alone in the universe. Utterly alone. I've no home, no kingdom, no destiny. Why then am I even alive? Why did that foolish Little Witch even bring me back? So, I can wander aimlessly from one disaster to the next? Hounded at my heels by Death herself? I sigh, hating how lost and alone I feel. At least I have my birthright, the throne of Jontunheim is within my grasp. But do I even want it?

And yet, who am I without a crown?

Enough!

I leap to my feet, stifling my sorrows with steely determination. I can't afford to lose myself, not when I have a mission to complete and the Necrosword to find.

"Ikol go tell me what those obnoxious girls are up to." I command under my breath, as I run my hands through my hair.

Yes, my imminence. Ikol replies in my mind.

A moment later I hear Sif and Kamilla's current conversation playing in my head.

"Damn. This ale Ro made goes down smooth! I feel lighter already!" I hear Kamilla exclaim exuberantly.

"Good." Sif replies, "I'm glad it's helping take your mind off Loki's foul play."

My foul play? I think in surprise, how dare she? That Little Witch is the one who turned me in!

"Loki who? That name means nothing to me." Kamilla retorts with an uncontrollable giggle that suggests she's consumed far too much booze.

Sif barks out a laugh, "That's the spirit!" Then she adds her tone more serious, "I did warn you not to trust him."

Kamilla sighs, "Yes, and you were right, I've let him toy with me for too long. But that's over now."

"I assure you it's for the best." Sif replies solemnly.