Her Suicide

Chapter One

      I winced as I cut myself. The blade burned, it was dull. In all honesty, it hurt less if you used a sharp knife. Lets admit the obvious. I have problems.

      I wasn't always like this. It started in the seventh grade, when people started to really bully me. "You look like a boy!" they would say. "Are you a guy?" They would ask. "She is ugly!" They would whisper. I got fed up with it around the beginning of the eighth grade. Now, in tenth grade, I cut.

      When the song What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction blasted from my sisters room, I almost stabbed myself.

      "God, Liz, turn the freaking music down!" I screamed. I shoved the knife into a kitchen drawer, not caring if it was the right one, and stormed down the hall. I had nothing against One Direction, I just don't like my sister. Any excuse, any chance, any reason I get to yell at her, I take it.

       I jiggle the door knob. Locked. I throw myself against the door.

      "Go away, Audrey!" Liz screamed. I hate her, she hates me. One big happy family.

      "Not 'til you turn the music down!"

      "Fine!" She huffs. I hear barely audible footsteps over the music and then...nothing. She turned the music off, or, more likely paused it. The door whips open. My thirteen year old sister stands there, her brown hair in a  side ponytail. "Happy now?"

      "Over joyed." I spit at her and walk to my room.

      Click. I hear the front door open, then close. "Mom." I whisper. I immediately grab a sweater and throw myself into it. Mom hated when I cut myself. I threw my long black hair over my shoulder as my mom knocked on the door. I turned on my ipod and blasted With Ears To See And Eye To Hear by Sleeping With Sirens. A way of saying to my mom 'I am busy'.

      Eventually the knocking stops and she goes away. "Good." I whisper as I fall on my back onto my bed. I could never actually admit that I secretly yearned for my moms love, guidance, help, ect. I am a shell, a broken one. I can't be fixed. I am way beyond repair.

~~~

      School. It's a living hell. Especially with Tristan Cooper there. Who is he? Only the kid who has tormented me since the seventh grade.

      "So, I hear today you have a pep rally." Mom says. She was driving me to school today. I could see the huge yellow building in the distance. Most of the time I ride the bus, makes things less awkward for mom and I.

      "Yep." I say, popping the 'P'.

      "You excited?"

      "About a pep rally?" I ask. "Yes, I am dying for it to be time for it." I say sarcastically.

      Mom pulls up by the side walk and I get out. "Bye." I say before I close the door. I don't even get a bye back before she speeds away.

~~~

      My knees buckled under me as a dodge ball nailed me in the chest, knocking the breath out of me. Tristan had been the one to throw the ball. I grind my teeth.

      "Tomboy is down!" Tristan yelled.

      "I am not a tomboy anymore!" I yell. "I am scene!" Scene, a term for emo people.

      I can see him roll his eyes, even from this distance. "Okay," He says. "Scene girl is down."

       I have to join the other kids who are out on the bleachers. A kid, Ryan I think, laying sprawled out on a row, moaning. He had been hit in a place where "the sun dosn't shine" complements of Tristan Cooper.

       I walked right to the top, and the edge of the bleachers. I sat alone. I glanced down at the long scratch on my arm, from the cut I cave myself last night. It wasn't deep enough to leave a scar. That is how I liked my cuts. Once they are healed, there is no evidence what so ever that they had been there in the first place.

      I watched as Tristan's team dominated the game. Balls hitting people left and right. Then my eyes locked with his, and a wicked smile crossed his face.  What was he going to do now?

     He knelt down and grabbed a ball. He threw and said, "Oops." As the dodge ball came whirling in my direction.

      "Aw, nuts." Was all I had time to say before the ball slammed into my face and I passed out.

      I groan as my eyes flutter open. I was in the nurses office, on a small futon. I squirmed for a moment or to and sat up. I was still in my gym uniform.

      "What happened?" I moan. The nurse turns in her rolling chair and points to a mirror hanging on the wall. I have a black eye. "What the---TRISTAN!" I scream. All the memories of today's dodge ball game come flooding back and I am on my feet. My body twitching to punch him in the face.

      "Sit down!" The nurse snapped. "Your parents are coming to get you!"

      "My parents?"

      "Yes! You have a black eye! The doctor needs to check you out!" She said.

      "Fat chance of my mom coming." I tell her and sit back down. I look around, the vision in my left eye was a little bit hazy. I looked in the mirror again. Yep, it was my left eye alright.

      "I called her cell. She wasn't there, so I left a message." The nurse tells me after taking a spoon full of her thick looking veggie soup. She smacked her lips. Suddenly, I realize how hungry I was.

      "Can't I just walk home?" I ask, she shakes her head. An idea pops into my head. "Can I go to the bathroom?"

      "Knock yourself out."

~~~

      I am running down the halls. Trying to get to the girls locker room. I had a ten dollar bill in my gym locker and my clothes were in there. Best of all, the was an emergency exit in the locker room, a means of escape.

      I did my combination and opened the small locker grabbed my clothes and headed for the exit. I shoved myself against the door and headed out. Plotting my revenge on Tristan Cooper.