Reading the Regency

Mourning - The Time of Mourning

Mourning Period 1838: From one to two years. In the case of a two-year mourning, the first nine months would be in first mourning, nine months in second mourning, three months in third mourning, and an additional three months in half-mourning.

Any woman whose husband dies was described as a Widow, until such time as she married again. An older word for widow, less used at this time, was Relict, which literally meant "something that survived". It was often used on gravestones or in death notices:

"Dec. 25 ... At Wirksworth, co. Derby, in her 79th year, Lady Arkwright, relict of the late Sir Richard A. knt. of Cromford."
[Deaths, The Gentleman's Magazine, pub. December 1811]

Where a deeply adored husband died, the surviving spouse might choose to ignore the completion of the customary period of mourning, and continue wearing black for many years after the event; even to the end of their life; as Queen Victoria later did following the death of Prince Albert later in the 19th century.

However, when a husband died and the wife was not so grief-stricken, society would still have expected her to mourn for a minimum amount of time before she started looking around for a new husband. To cast off mourning too soon would indicate a lack of respect for the dead, and draw criticism from those around her; a fact even Lady Susan Vernon seemed to be aware of:

"I have now been but a few months a widow, and, however little indebted to my husband's memory for any happiness derived from him during a union of some years, I cannot forget that the indelicacy of so early a second marriage must subject me to the censure of the world, and incur, what would be still more insupportable, the displeasure of Mr. Vernon. ... It will surely, therefore, be advisable to delay our union--to delay it till appearances are more promising."
[Chapter 30, Lady Susan, by Jane Austen]

There was also a practical reason why a widow had to wait so long before she married again. This allowed her to show that she was not carrying her dead husband's child, which might have serious implications for inheritance.

A Dowager was a widow whose husband had been a peer or a baronet.

"...let me only advise you not to write an offer of marriage to your widow, while she is adjusting her weeds."
[The Young Widow: Or, the History of Cornelia Sedley, vol 1 by William Hayley, pub. 1789]

The phrase Widow's Weeds came from the old English word "waed", which meant "garment". So the weeds referred to here are just her black clothes. In Scotland, they were known as Deule Weeds, which came from the French word "Dieul", or mourning.

Death of a wife

"I wonder how I shall do with the large portion of thoughts which were hers for thirty years. I suspect they will be hers yet for a long time at least. But I will not blaze cambric and crape in the public eye like a disconsolate widower, that most affected of all characters."
[16th May 1826, The Journal of Sir Walter Scott, Vol 1, on the death of his wife]

Mourning Period 1789: Six months. Six weeks with weepers, followed by six weeks in woollen without weepers. Three months in half-mourning.

Mourning Period 1833: Six months. Six weeks in full mourning. The next six weeks in second mourning. Three months of half-mourning.

Mourning Period 1838: From one to two years.

Any husband who loses his wife is described as a Widower, until such time as he marries again.

The mourning period for a widower was relatively short compared to that of a widow. The usual argument for this was that a man had matters of business to deal with and he could not be expected to put his life on hold for a longer period of time.