Before You Go [N.H]

9.4 - Roadtrip - Ireland

'So you all wanted to leave here? It's doesn't look so bad though. Why would you want to leave?'

'Why did you leave your town?'

'Because it wasn't enough. I didn't feel like I could accomplish anything there. I thought if I went to London I'd at least have the money and the time to cook up some project. There seemed to be more options. More chances. I don't know about that now. It's been a few years now and nothing has changed.'

'It's not like you're running out of time. Where's the rush? You could still find a project you're happy about. And then you'll make it work. Turn it into something lucrative. You just gotta be patient. It'll happen.'

'You found yours already.'

'So?' He asks. 'To each their own pace. It's wrong to think that if I found my calling then you should've too. It's not because you're taking more time to settle yourself first, or it's taking more time to find the thing that drives you professionally, that means that you're pointless or slow or not good for anything. Life is weird and full of surprises. You have to trust the universe and the course of things and just try your best and live your life.'

'It's really beautiful out here.' I say changing the subject.

He laughs and pulls me into a hug as we sit down on a bench. 

'It really is. When I come back to Ireland this seems to be one of the places I keep coming back to.'

'Why?' I ask.

'Because no one is ever here. There's green all around, a river in the middle. It just brings out a lot of peacefulness. Seems like the perfect place to just sit and think.'

'And what do you think about?'

'My life. All the things that I've gone through. All the things that I did. All the things I said I'd do but didn't, and whether it's a good thing that I didn't or do I still need to do them. Just a general retrospect on everything.'

'And it makes you feel better?'

'It's easy to get overwhelmed. But when you have a tether keeping you grounded reminding you of the core of things, of everything that actually matters... It gets less cloudy, less foggy, the picture gets clearer. Do you understand?'

'Yeah, I think I do.'

'Do you think you have such a place?' He asks me.

'Yeah... Kinda...'

'Where is it.'

'It's not a where exactly. It doesn't have fixed coordinates. It's more like a person... You... I hope that's okay...'

'Of course, it is!' He chuckles and then kisses me.

He then smiles at me, stands up and holds out his hand for mine. He pulls me up and quickly wraps his arm around my shoulders and starts guiding me out of the place.

'Think you're ready to meet my family now?' He asks hopefully.  'Darling, I know you're one of the strongest people I know. You've gone through so much and handled things that are bigger than this. This is small. Just eating. You can eat, right? Sure you'll be talking with my family while doing so, but they're just people. Nice and kind people. Please. I know you can do this.'

'Yeah. Alright. I'm sorry I get so fucked up sometimes.'

'Never apologise for this. It's okay that you have anxiety. If it wasn't for my deliriously worried state of mind during your accident I would be freaking out and nervous at the thought of meeting your parents. It's really normal what you're going through.'

'How do you always find what to say or do to calm me down?' I chuckle going into the car with a less heavy heart and mind.

'Because darling, I'm your tether. And I love you so much!'

'I love you too baby.' I give him a last kiss before he starts driving again.

Niall's POV

'See!! That wasn't so hard now was it? The day went great! Don't you think so?' I ask her as we lay in bed at the end of the long day.

'Yeah okay, I admit. It could've gone a lot worse. I was a little awkward with your mum though. I didn't really know what to say. We had just come from lunch with your dad and his girlfriend. And I know they're divorced but I don't know on what terms it ended so I felt like I shouldn't really talk about it and when she asked me what we had done so far in the city I just froze.'

'Yeah, I get it. But she knows and she's happy he's happy and honestly so am I. Don't worry too much about it. Both mum and dad loves you. I know mum is so excited she's mentally preparing our wedding already.'

'Mentally?' She laughs.

'All she did was say that a friend of hers told her about this beautiful venue that is available for a day in July...'

'Yeah... Niall, baby. That is less than a year from now.'

'It's not like she booked it already! She's just hinting at the available options.'

'Right!' She shakes her head. 'It does kinda feel weird sleeping in your childhood room.'

'Well, if it makes you feel better, I lived at my dad's most of my childhood.'

'Oh really? I had no idea.'

'Well, now you do!' I kiss the top of my head and pull her closer to me. 'We should get some sleep. I'm exhausted.'

'Yeah me too. Goodnight baby.'

'Good night darling!'