Mine {Book 1}| Completed

Chapter 14: If Only

   Colleen laughed gently. "I'm sure girls at this time find anything they can put their hands on. I remember his father was the same way. All the girls in our school chased him like bananas."

      I laughed myself only knowing being gorgeous probably runs in the family. But regardless Christopher is a beautiful person. And I haven't had the time to stop thinking about him. Especially that he doesn't love me after our moment yesterday. But then I realized he's right. And I can take upon Patrick over him any day. Patrick would reject me. And I kissed Patrick. And I don't care what Christopher thinks. Regardless if he approves or not.

"Colleen, what do you do when you like someone? How do I handle it?" I asked, looking at Colleen with a passion of sympathy.

"Well," she began. "What you should do is be perfect. Be yourself. Don't hide your true feelings or yourself from the person. Make him see you for who you really are. Let him know there's a good heart to you. And there is obviously no one else. And you can let anyone love you. And don't try to do anything either. Just be yourself as you can." She told me.

     Everything made sense but it's definitely impossible for me to follow it because I was myself and I was nothing but myself and then he rejected me. He hurt me so much that it was driving me insane. I knew Christopher wouldn't like me that way. I wish I never told him. But I was holding it in and he needed to hear it. But at the end of the day, he'll always love April and just see me as his stepsister. Nothing less and nothing more less.

   I couldn't bear anything of what Christopher told me last night because I know deep down he was into me. He kissed me. Would he have kissed me if it meant nothing? It had to mean something to him. I mean he doesn't understand shit about me. And I can't believe anything about April and I do still have these feelings for him that I can't seem to just put away. At this rate, I find it so hard to talk to him.

   "Colleen, was it hard to marry someone? Like letting go of your late husband and then moving on after six years?" I said.

   "It took a tole on me emotionally and mentally. But it's not deciding on marrying someone is the issue. It's about knowing it's the right time or the right person you decide to move on with. And your father...I really do love him. And it was so hard to go into that commitment." She said.

   "Do you think he'd ever hurt you?"

    She shook her head. "I trust your father completely. And he trusts me. Before he walked into my life...a part of me was missing. Until he came along. And I knew he was the right one."

    I smiled.

And of course, I had knew it was something like that and then I had gone with the right thing to imagine it was probably meant to be. But I learned it wasn't meant to be for my parents.

"Did I ever upset you?" I asked her.

"No, I couldn't. I knew you were going through so much. But I couldn't imagine what you were going through. But Emma...have you ever thought of visiting your mom anytime soon?" She said, sipping her coffee.

I shrugged. "No, I haven't thought of it. Sometimes she's busy."

And this is true. But I try not to bother my mother so much when I go through a lot especially after the divorce it drove me angry, sad and confused. I wasn't sure who my parents were. But now I know they are two different people on different journeys and different paths.

I checked the time, picking up my phone to see the time and I knew Peach would be here any minute and just when I got up, there Christopher was looking extremely tired still. And I just passed him just after I brought my empty plate over to the sink. Colleen told me she could rinse my plate and told me not to worry about it. And then I gazed over at Christopher for a split second and there he was looking nice and snazzy. And it killed me. And he gave me a stare like he had a lot on his mind and a lot to say. I rolled my eyes and gave him the unforgiven look.