End of an Era

9(?)

That feeling you get when it is empty. 

When you are empty. When you do not want to live but you don't want to die either. That all you want to do you is just lay in bed and sleep. That you feel useless and know you messed up on some parts of life just by breathing. 

That people are annoyed by you and are done by eventually just leaving you out in the cold. 

That the only good feeling you get is when your old history teacher says you look better, your English teacher tells you "look who's ready for AP Lit" and you smile then when your music teacher shows you and talks about future music. 

Then it all comes crashing down and you crave a touch by someone who is practically kinda forbidden I guess you can? 

No not forbidden more like someone who isn't the person you thought they are. That you guys don't talk anymore and you miss it but don't because you sensed it was sorta toxic or maybe it was fully toxic and I just won't admit it. 

It's bad that I do miss them every here and there , like I miss the after school meet ups and make out sessions but they told me that it wasn't something they remember or something along the lines I don't know but I do know that I don't like my body anymore because of that , and one of my friends told me they said that knowing the damage it would do to me. At this point I don't know what to think anymore. 

Well there is not much to think actually , I think it just nothing now it's all gone , I don't really mind it all I'm moving out I've been actually , I've made out with 4 people I think I know what a skank right? But no one of those people we kinda went further more like under the skirt phases and name calling the rest was pure making out. 

But I do miss making out with the person I first made out with which was him but I don't think he missed or enjoyed our make out sessions which makes me feel dirty for some unknown reason , 

Anywho I have a an empty but non empty feeling and I really don't wannabe alone but I don't know who to talk to anymore so yes I'll keep it in and yeah , if you are that person reading this , we should talk I guess ?