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Yeonjun~
"Is there anything stopping you from showing your full potential? University should be your first priority- girls can wait." My professor shook his head while handing me back my failed exam.
Don't I study enough? Or is it that the materials I've been studying are all wrong? Am I really just having trouble with the new language? What is it- damn it, I wanna know? Why am I working so hard towards failure?
Put my girlfriend aside... like what I've already been doing? I've literally been neglecting her for the past few months now, just so that I could focus on my classes. I know for a fact that she's not even happy with me anymore.
What more do they expect from me?
"Okay, prof. I'll try harder." I thanked him afterwards, then left the campus.
Maybe moving to America was a huge mistake. By now, it seems as if stress and depression occurs to me like it's normal, personal life doesn't even exist for me anymore... I've also been losing interest towards my girlfriend.
Being here makes me ask myself if I truly love her that much. I survived not talking to her for days and weeks, and sometimes I don't even think about her. I don't know if it's just her absence, but with all these things in my mind... I really don't have time to commit to her anymore.
Did I really love her if I could just replace her with school? Has my mind really become corrupted with the thought of actually succeeding in this profession?
I ask myself those same questions everyday. It's always been my dream to have freedom and fly allover the world; to make people smile by taking them home to their loved ones, or maybe giving them the chance to explore a new place.
But would it really be all that great if I do everything alone by myself?
I held onto my phone, contemplating if I should call her. Will I really break up with Yeji for my studies? Am I really gonna steep that low?
Ring*
yeji ♡ is calling...
I stared down at the ring I have on my finger, which reminded me of my promise to her... right... we made a commitment. I need to take full responsibility of my words and actions.
"Hey, how are you?" I could hear the smile in her voice through the phone.
"I'm doing well..." not at all. "You?"
"I told myself I was gonna act petty and not call you first. It's too hard! I keep thinking about you every minute," she sighed. "I just want you to come home quickly. I wanna hug you already."
"Are you feeling lonely again?" I couldn't help but feel sad at the thought.
"Yeah... I feel empty most of the time." Her voice became quieter. My chest clenched and I broke down into tears.
"I'm sorry, Yeji..." I tried to hide my emotions. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep my promise to you for a long time."
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Her voice came piercing through my ears.
"Let's break up. I'm sorry."
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Yeji~
Why?
Why do you feel the need to break up with me? Why can't you just give me a reasonable reason... now I can't help but come up with all these different scenarios in my head.
Was I really that needy? What is it about me that I need to change? Did I annoy him by any chance? Did he find someone else? What the hell is it?
Why can't he just explain it to me? Why can't we just fix the issue?
I called him once more, since I have nothing to lose anymore. I might regret it later on, but I didn't care.
I waited a little while, but there were no responses. Once I tried texting him, it said that I've been blocked by the number.
What did I do wrong... what do I need to change... was I not enough... well, didn't I give him my everything already? What more does he want? No, I shouldn't blame him- there must be a good reason...
How could he break up with me after I told him that I felt lonely?
I looked down at the ring and threw it out the window... that dammed 'promise'.
It's that shit that breaks us.
I shouldn't have fallen for him in the first place. I've knew too fucking well that he wasn't even interested in me, and I still forced myself upon him.
It's me who pays for the price again.
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I just finished writing this whole book and just:'))) I'm kinda emotional ehhe it was such a fun and personal story to write<3
