The Decade of Deep Love (English Version BL novel)

C84. Extra: Assistant Song

Wenxu Jiang sat still for a while after hanging up the phone. That girl waved at him questioningly. Wenxu Jiang shook his hand and said, "Go, don't come to find me anymore."

After that, Wenxu Jiang didn't have affairs for quite long.

Sometimes, I couldn't figure Wenxu Jiang out. He was true to Zhishu He but it shouldn't be the justification for the wrong things he had done. Bottom line was, in a relationship, body and heart should both stay faithful.

And then Wenxu Jiang had Zui Shen. Apparently, Wenxu Jiang knew this art major student in junior year at a college colloquium. Wenxu Jiang's favorite lovers were simple and pretty students that were still in the ivory tower. He didn't find another person after being with Zui Shen.

I knew Zhishu He was aware of many things. He must know about the slightest change on the man who lived with him better than I did but he didn't make a scene for once. He just tolerated. I didn't say a word and Wenxu Jiang thought he really didn't know. He called Zhishu He saying he was busy while he was out with Zui Shen.

I felt bad for Zhishu He as Wenxu Jiang's feeling of guilt at the beginning of his affair turned into numb.

So I was actually relieved when I first heard Zhishu He left Wenxu Jiang. That was why no matter how Wenxu Jiang suffered in the end, I only felt sorry for him but I never actually sympathized with him.

By the time he lost something, he understood the saying "you reap what you sow", but it was too late.

The last time I saw Zhishu He was when I delivered dumplings to him. It was a snow day and very very cold. But when I saw that pale emaciated man as the door opened, I felt this room was even colder than the frozen world outside. Wenxu Jiang was out there somewhere; all I sent home for him was a box of dumplings that were losing temperature.

Not until Wenxu Jiang went to Hangzhou for him like a mad man after Zhishu He was gone, did I know that he had had leukemia very long ago. The moment I learned the news, I just stood there for a while, all I thought was how come God liked to joke so much?

And my heart ached for Zhishu He every time I remembered him ever since. I saw the best of him, gentle, kind and confident; I also saw the saddest of him when he stood alone in the empty room taking over the food box.

While Wenxu Jiang, starting from his deep love as in he gave all his heart to one person, he was possessive, jealous and romantic, to his unfaithfulness as in his affairs, the lies on the phone and the fact he failed this pure love.

But Zhishu He was gone for good. I saw Wenxu Jiang being swallowed by darkness bit by bit, I saw him in pain, in despair. I heard him scream, I heard him call "Zhishu..." in a trance after drinking himself to gastrorrhagia. The pain, the remorse Wenxu Jiang had was genuine, but it couldn't offset the mistakes he had made.

I ordered an Akita from the doghouse for Wenxu Jiang on Zhishu He's birthday. This puppy had helped Wenxu Jiang through the toughest days. Wenxu Jiang hated animals less. One day, I went to Wenxu Jiang's house to deliver the files for next day's negotiation, he asked me to open up and get in by myself. When I walked in, I saw Wenxu Jiang watching Hachi: A Dog's Tale with that puppy that had grown a head taller in his arms. There was no light in the room. Dim cinema light beamed on his face. There I saw that man crying.

At the end of the movie where the hotdog man said to Hachi, "Don't wait, he won't be back..." It was at that moment, Wenxu Jiang was as heartbroken as that Akita.

Wenxu Jiang's tears were gone when the light was on, only the numbness from great fatigue left on his face. He stood up, and that puppy ran over to snuggle up to me.

Wenxu Jiang went to grab a can of beer and asked me if I wanted one. I had to drive home so I said no. He then started drinking on his own.

He seemed to have something to say to me.

"I keep thinking about the past lately, not really school time, but the first couple of years when we just came to Beijing," Wenxu Jiang leaned against the french window, concealing his emotions perfectly, "Wouldn't it be nice if you rebuked me in the very beginning... But you didn't, neither did Jingwen..."

I only put on a smile. "It was not my place to step into the boss's personal stuff. Plus, Mr. He was not in the company at that time. No one protected me when you were mad at me." I said it easily but in fact, I was with a heavy heart. I was regretful, too.

Wenxu Jiang hummed like he was mocking himself, "Right... It was my own fault. How can I ask someone else to share the guilt? ... Just leave the files on the table and go home."

I seemed to have misread Wenxu Jiang tonight that he had a weak side when I saw him watching the movie together with the puppy. But he did become quieter and quieter. The invisible burden had weighed him down.

Finally, one day, Wenxu Jiang just disappeared altogether and Jingwen Zhang took over his job for the time being. I wasn't sure if he would come back but somehow, my heart knew that he wouldn't kill himself just to be with Zhishu He, at least not for now.

Because he had to make amends, to compensate, to force himself to taste the indefinite waiting.

Maybe Zhishu was the blend boiled water to Wenxu Jiang. At first, he drank it because he was thirsty and then he was into all kinds of favored drinks but not until he ran out of water, did he realize it was vital in life.

You cannot go back in time. Be nice to people around you. Don't regret until you lose them. This is what I've learned from this story, this is what I'd like to share.