His Weapon - Book 1 [Z.M]

XLVIII

There was a soft knock on the door and soon Nany shot her head through.
     "Oh hey Muna."
She smiled warmly, my presence catching her by surprise and it was until then I felt human again.
     "Hello Nany."
I greeted, forcing a smile. I could tell she wanted to ask about last night but just stuck to how I was feeling which I lied.
     "Late but breakfast is ready. I expect you ladies down in five."
She spoke as she disappeared and I sighed. My head was still empty. I didn't want to eat, neither go down but I needed the sense of having a normal family for the last time.
     I needed to feel that feeling I felt the first night here. So I lazily rose to my feet and began to head for the door.
     "You don't have to. I could bring your food up and tell her you aren't feeling too well." Waliyha spoke softly and I chuckled.
     "I want to."
She nodded and wrapped her arms around my shoulder, leading us out of her bedroom. I was so grateful that she stepped in when she did and didn't back down. I didn't look behind.
     Alberto was there and Nicholas sat next to him, they were whispering to each other like 10-year-olds. Safaa was also already seated and so was Maddie and Doniya.
     "Good morning."
I mumbled my greeting and everyone acknowledged me except Doniya. She was the least of my worries though as I played with my nails, hoping everything would be over.

The table was filled with food that instantly took away my appetite. Everyone began digging in but I just sat there. I should've remained in the room.
     Waliyha tried to discreetly fill my plate. She's amazing and I wondered if she'd want to still be friends after I left. I smiled at her.
     I didn't want to stay. After breakfast I'd be sure to tell Nicholas so he could get me away. I was suffocating being in that house. I began to force myself to eat and the food literally had no taste to me— my sense of taste left as well, great.
     However, I kept eating. My heart stopped when I saw her approaching the dining table. She looked nervous as she avoided my gaze but I blatantly stared at her. I wasn't angry at her, she owed me nothing, Zayn did.
     She took a seat next to Doniya who sent her a bright smile. Who would choose a bag from target over a gucci bag? I don't blame Doniya for preferring Kimberly. It just hurt like hell.

I felt Nicholas' eyes on me and when I looked at him, they told me soo much.
     "You're enough."
I diverted my gaze and began eating away my frustration.
     There was something up with Saafa and even though I was super hesitant to ask, I did.
     "Are you okay?"
I wanted to be as subtle as possible but she was a bit far and all eyes shot at me. I just couldn't ignore it, she looked stressed and drained. The best drug for 'not being okay' is knowing that someone noticed and genuinely cares.
     She furrowed her beautiful thick brows for a second before leaning in like she was about to tell me a secret.
     "What would you do if the guy you have a crush on isn't getting the memo?"
She didn't seem to care if everyone heard her. I heard Alberto and Nicholas groan. Waliyha chuckled. I could feel two pairs of eyes on me but I didn't dare look in their direction.
     I opened my mouth to answer when I saw Zayn approaching. For a split second, I was rendered a vegetable but I quickly recovered as I blankly watched him take a seat next to Waliyha. I couldn't ignore the daggers him and Nicholas were sending at each other.
     "Ask him out, directly."
I shrugged, popping bacon into my mouth and avoiding everyone's gaze. She groaned out in frustration at my response. I could tell that everyone was terrified of her tantrums.
     "Like you could ever."
She muttered and I actually chuckled still soo numb that the only emotion I could feel was that of the moment and nothing from the past nor thought of the future.

A future without him.
     "I could Safaa and I have."
I was amused, enjoying the distraction in such an uncomfortable surrounding. It helped me ignore his presence. At that point, I got her attention, excitement dancing in her eyes.
     "Did it work out?"
She seemed hopeful and it was sad that I was going to burst her bubble.
     "Nope. . . He said no—"
I said simply and I heard Nicholas scoff but I ignored him. I knew Zayn wanted to pounce at him but still, I didn't even spare him a glance. The fucking nerves he has.
     "He said no three times actually."
I added and her eyes widened. This time Waliyha was the one that scoffed and I rolled my eyes at her. I wondered where Nany was. . .

Safaa's eyes widened.
     "Why the hell would you keep trying after the first humiliation?"
I shrugged, feeling better that she was feeling better, at least she looked like she was.
     "Cause when you really want someone, fear of rejection wouldn't stop you."
I smiled and she responded with an even brighter one.
     "At least you tried."
She pouted, sinking into her seat.
     "Must've been awkward seeing him around after that."
She exhaled and I nodded. Kimberly was staring directly at Zayn but he had his eyes locked on the food before him, his mind seemed far but I knew he was listening closely. I know him.
     "Yhup. Especially after he asked me out and I said no."
She literally shouted out 'what the hell?' but I shrugged.
     "Listen! Life is too short to have regrets and 'what ifs'. Always go after what you want but also know that you come first and anyone that makes you feel otherwise isn't and shouldn't be worth a second of your time."
Zayn shouldn't be worth it to me. I wasn't angry anymore, I was just hurt. Simply hurt.

Safaa smiled and nodded. I hoped she understood what I was trying to get across. After my conversation with her was over, it felt awkward once again sitting in their midst. I wish I hadn't disclosed that for everyone's ears to hear but it was already out there.
     I stood to my feet with my plate and walked towards the kitchen. I needed to get away from the both of them. I could hear footsteps behind me but I didn't turn to look.
     "So the idiot actually kept turning you down?"
Alberto snickered and I rolled my eyes. I was glad it was him instead of Nicholas cause it was going to be a blood bath.
     "I guess he had eyes but couldn't see cause I was hot. I'll say I glowed down so imagine!"
I joked and he chuckled, standing next to me and tossing his plate into the sink. It's like my mind decided to forget the pain my heart was feeling. I'm smiling and chuckling but deep down, I'm void of any kind of happiness and I hate myself for always dealing with pain like I'm not dying of pain.
     "I mean you aren't soo bad looking."
He bumped his shoulder into mine and I chuckled, pushing him away playfully. Our laughters died down and he suddenly became serious, eyeing me with concern.

Please no. . .
     "Are you feeling better?"
He asked carefully, I turned around so that my back was against the sink. I took a deep breath. Am I? Honestly no, I'm feeling worse than I've ever felt but holding everything in because of fear that I'd explode.
     That if I remotely let it slip through my mind, I'd break down because lord I can't unseen what I saw.
     I finally opened my mouth to speak but stopped when I saw Kimberly enter the kitchen.
     "Can I have a word with you?"
She spoke softly but sudden anger took over me. What fucking nerves, especially after how she treated me like a nobody during our introduction yesterday. I squinted at her.
     "For what?"
Alberto asked simply and for a second she glared at him. 
     "It's fine."
I nodded and he sighed.
     "I really do hope you know where to find me Muna, even if just for a hug."
He held me so I was looking at him and I nodded with a smile. It felt good knowing that he cared even the littlest bit. With that he returned my smile and walked away.

The air was stale as hell as I just simply looked at her, finally getting the chance to see her up close and face to face. Underneath her makeup she had freckles, gorgeous freckles. Zayn did know how to choose his women. There was definitely a type he usually went for from the pictures I saw.
     I'm the only one who is totally different from his regular type and it should feel lifting but it really just makes me feel small. Almost like he just settled for me.
     "I'm sorry."

✯

Please vote • comment • share

•Princess T•