Woman On Top

Chapter 8

"I love you," he said as he stared back at you. Your heart began to race, as did his – you could feel it through his chest.

Why? Why did he have to say that? Why did he have to go and ruin everything by catching feelings? In that moment, you wanted to cry, but you couldn't do anything but stare back at him.

"Do you love me?" he asked. His word, which were laced with so much uncertainty, so much vulnerability, and so much hope, made you feel all sorts of heart ache. Of course, you knew what answer he wanted – but you were afraid you couldn't give it to him.

"Jungkook," you whispered. His eyes widened and he bit his lip as he hung onto your every syllable. "You're so much younger than me."

A pause hung between you as you held each others gaze. The pause began to swell in intensity as each of you waited for the other to say something. When neither of you did, Jungkook bowed his head with a small nod. He slipped out of you and released you from his grip, then turned and began to rummage for his clothes.

The room which moments ago had be humid and hot from the desire between you had suddenly become chill. You shivered, missing his warm body against you and missing the warm way he looked at you. You felt exposed, but this time not the way you liked. You too reached for your clothing. As you pulled yourself back together, you watched Jungkook intently as he moved through the room – his back to you.

"Why the fuck do you say shit like that?" He broke the silence. He was aggravated, and rightfully so.

"Say what?" you were confused. You thought this coldness was about what you weren't saying.

"Jungkook, you're young. Jungkook, you're not as old as me," he glowered. "Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?"

"I... I didn't know you felt anything about it..."

"Yeah? Well I do," he hiked himself into his pants and began to button up the fly. "All I hear is - Jungkook, you're a boy. You're not man enough for me."

"That's not what I mean!"

"Well, it's what I hear. It fucking hurts. I've tried so hard to be enough for you, and you won't even tell me that you like skiing."

"I'm sorry! I don't mean it like that. You are enough – that's not the problem." Your chest began to pain with anxiety and frustration. The last thing you wanted was to hurt Jungkook, but you didn't expect this. You didn't expect that he had been hurting all along.

"Then what's the problem? Why don't you love me?"

You froze. There was that word again. Love. Why? Why did he need to use it? Jungkook walked up to you, put his hand against the glass behind you and got right into your space. But this time you didn't feel desire – you felt fear. Not fear of Jungkook – but a fear you had been burying for months.

"Just say it if you feel it, Y/N," he pleaded. You couldn't though. "Fine, then just say that you don't love me." As you watched him move from one ask to the next, you could see tears begin to sting his eyes. You closed yours, not wanting to deal with how you were hurting him.

"I can't," you whispered faintly.

"You can't what?" he prompted you.

"I can't say it."

"Then say that you don't."

"I can't," you sobbed.

Another long pause ensued. You didn't know what to do with yourself. Part of you wanted to wrap your arms around him and say the words he wanted to hear. The other part wanted to tell him the opposite and push him away. Both parts were afraid, and both parts just wanted things to go back to how they were a week ago. So instead, you did nothing.