What if

"Go to the waters if it suits thee there"(ATBP)

An All the Bright Places alternate ending because I reread it yesterday and I'm still crying...

Characters belong to Jennifer Niven

Violet - beginning on the chapter of April 26, page 332, during the scene where she rearranges the Post-it notes...

I rearrange the words until I see "Go to the waters if it suits thee there."

I find myself staring at the words, a pit of fear already rising in my stomach.

I race out of the room and back down the stairs. It's just Decca and Mrs. Finch now. Kate went to look for Theo, with no indication of when she will be back.

"Mrs. Finch, I think I have a clue to where he is."

She looks at me with hope written all over her face. I feel my gut clench tighter, but I recite the words from his closet.

She stares at me for a moment, as if she doesn't understand what I'm saying.

"I think he's saying that he went to one of the places we wandered, with water. There are multiple places where it could be, but I have a good idea." I'm talking fast now. There's an odd feeling coming over me, as if I'm in a rush and am now almost out of time.

She lays her hand on my arm, "Violet, dear, could you go? I could but I don't think I could handle - I mean what if he - it something were to - or if he were, I don't think I could handle it. I just need him home. I need to hug my boy again."

She was crying, and at this point I was about to join her.

"Ok, I'll go." I tell her. "I'll bring him home."

I barely hear myself say the words, barely feel myself walk away. If something happened, it would be my fault. I'm the one who pushed him away, I'm the one who he loved. I'm the one who didn't protect him. I'm the one who failed to love him when he needed it the most.

Onto the next chapter, April 26, part two

Violet

I drive faster than I've driven in a long time. My hands are sweating against the wheel as I pull into the parking lot. Next to the only other car.

Finch. I think.

And then I run. I run towards the lake, the awful feeling still churning in my gut. I run and practically fall down the hill.

Everything is blurry by the time I straighten myself. I can't tell if it's from the tears or the dizziness.

I shake my head and look around. My heart clenches as I see nothing, but then I see the lone figure. It sits on the other side of the lake, head bowed.

I want to scream his name into the wind. I want to curse him. I want to hug him.

Instead, my body freezes. The figure hasn't moved.

You're too late. A voice chants in my head.

Too late, too slow, too weak, too scared

I force myself to move until I'm running across the leaves and sticks. They crunch under my feet, and i somehow manage not to trip.

I stop five feet away from the figure.

"Finch?" My voice sounds small, even to me.

He doesn't move. I walk closer, until I can see his black hair is long and covering his face. He's wearing jeans, and the ends are soaking wet. He has on a long sleeved shirt, which is no match for the cold April wind.

"Finch?" I try again. My voice is louder this time.

I move so I can look at his face. His eyes are closed and his hands are clenched into fists.

"Go away." I hear him whisper.

"Finch..."

"Go away. This isn't your business." He lets out a sigh and opens his eyes. "Leave me be, Violet. Just go away. Let me do this."

The words took a second to register in my brain. I took a new look at our surroundings. The water. Finch's ability to hold his breath. The secluded place. The fact that when he saved me from the bell tower, he might have been wanting to jump.

I had given him a reason to live. I had given him hope.

And then, I had taken it away.

"Finch." I said. My voice was stronger now. I was more scared than I had ever been. My worst fears had been confirmed.

I checked my watch. 10:30. He sent the message less than an hour ago.

Had he been planning this? Was it a spur of the moment decision?

"Violet." He looked up at me, his blue eyes were sad and determined.

"No." I told him, "I let go of you once. I've learned my lesson now. I'll find a way to help you. You're my best friend, and the one boy I truly love. I don't know what I would do without you, Theodore Finch."

I finished my statement with a hug. He seemed surprised for a moment, but hugged me back.

I was crying. Finch was here. Finch was ok.

"Now, I want you to hold on to the rail, and once you've got it, lean against it and life tour right foot up and over."

This gets a small smile out of him, "Good memories, huh Ultraviolet?"

I hug him even tighter. Even though he might not be okay, he's here with me. I can make sure he gets help.

And I will never let go of him again.

The ending All the Bright Places deserves...

Excuse my crying