Random thoughts, ideas and stories I have.

My Mom Unfortunately

oh my gosh i don't even know where to start. but ive been stuck with her for a week and she has cut off all communication with my Dad, friends, everyone. I couldn't even listen to music. god she lectured me after finding me in by room having a severe breakdown. she yelled at me for 'not paying enogh attention to her' when she knows I have MDD and it affects my memory and causes me not to focus on most things. I am so glad ill be back with my dad tomorrow. Thats the only reason i got my laptop anyway. and its not just me. because of everything she's done to the twins and I, we all have an assortment of trauma- induced mental disorders. and I have lots of physical issues as well, and she hasn't taken me to my PT appointments in weeks. my sister got so bad that she had to spend Christmas in and out of a mental institution. which actually helped her a lot and I wish I could do something like that, but ive always just preferred dealing with stuff myself or with help from people I know. But you know, she had to go and keep calling me 'sick" and 'this isn't normal' LIKE YEAH IST NOT I HAVE MAJOR OCD WHEN YOU COME INTO MY ROOM AND MOVE MY STUFF AROUND IM GONNA HAVE A BREAKDOWN THAT IS HOW THIS STUFF WORKS. I KNOW ITS NOT OK BUT YOU. WON'T. GET. ME . HELP. AND YOU KNOW DAD CAN'T AFFORD ANY OF THIS HE CAN BARLY KEEP THE HOUSE. SO STOP COMPLAINING ABOUT HOW 'this is so hard for me' and 'it's not fair that I have to be responsible for all these appointments' SWEETIE YOU CAUSED THEM! she spent years fighting my Dad for custody, GOT ALL FINAL MEDICAL, EDUCATION, RELIGIOS AND MORAL DESICION MAKING.  So stop complaining when this is what you asked for. She doesn't even like us. I literally heard her on the phone last year saying she was only fighting for us for the Child Support and to make my dad miserable. meanwhile he has to stand back and watch all this, he can't do anything legally or financially. all she does is go on and on about how awful an selfish and ungrateful the three of us are and how our family hates us and we just sit there and smile and apologies. because if you don't smile you aren't happy. not happy means there's something wrong with you. you get yelled at. if she sees you on a phone or computer she immediately bombards you with questions about what you're doing. of you're reading 'go spend time with so and so ' if your doing homework she has a party or even t she wants to go to and we have go too even if we end up staying up till 1 and are late to school because she has a hangover an wont admit it. I mean this is so dumb. and then she goes on and on about how the twins and I 'Don't respect her' she is a child. she is a child with the body of an adult. that is literally what living with her feels like. A fifteen year old with an inferiority complex and innate desire to prove she's better that everyone else and definitely has some major paranoia, has complete control over my life. This being said, we are getting through it's just a waiting game. I have my friends. and school is my safe place. so im gonna be fine. its just Ive been hypertensive for like five days have felt like passing out or crying for four of them and I haven't written anything lately so here you go. I got that all out. also, im gonna tell my dad about my girlfriend tomorrow. which will go really well because I say so. deep breaths. them im gonna tell everything that happened this week to my dad, feel a lot better, go to Barnes and Nobles and have so much fun my kneecaps will fall off. or something it's like 11 and I want to go to sleep. thx for everyone whose been here for me, I really appreciate you guys.

~Rae