bully | JAEYONG

16 | DATE (part 2)

"i'm not sure if it's me longing for a friendship or if it's me longing for something more. he does make me feel complete and i feel comfortable around him, like in a sense that i don't have to try so hard to get along with him or have to impress him just to get him to like me. i can be myself and be comfortable around him without having to worry about him judging me.

"i mean... i guess there were times where i saw him as something more than what we are. there were times where i saw him as a friend, times where i saw him as a brother, and times where i saw him as a..." taeyong hesitated for a minute, wondering if he should really say what he's about to say to guanheng, but continues without much thought. "as a lover."

"and thought i haven't completely forgiven him yet, i know he's putting everything he's got to gain my overall forgiveness, and that effort he puts into getting my complete forgiveness is, in a way, something that i always look for in people: having an effort to make things right.

"i don't know if i like jaehyun in more than a friend way or not, but i do know that i have forgiven him completely. i do consider him a friend, a friend that i can trust, and someone that i can lean to when i need it, but i don't know if it's to the extent where i think fo him as a lover."

guanheng paid close attention to everything taeyong was saying, and he created his own conclusion for taeyong because he, too, feels like that around someone. but, the chinese boy wanted taeyong to figure out everything for himself.

"do you think that... i have feelings for jaheyun?" taeyong asked.

the red haired boy's roommate just sighed before saying to taeyong, "you need to find that out for yourself, because you are the only one who knows your true feelings."
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taeyong suddenly snapped out of his memory from wednesday and saw that him and jaehyun were now very close to
kissing. the red haired boy slightly pushed the other's chest, signaling for him to stop.

the brown haired boy was slightly caught off guard as he retreated to his original spot before giving taeyong a confused look. the other just spent a minutes trying to think about how to explain what he's thinking to jaehyun.

"i... i don't know if i return your feelings or not..." he tried first. the other party continued to look at taeyong in the eyes with a soft gaze, telepathically telling taeyong that there's nothing to be scared about.

the red haired boy took a deep breath before continuing to speak. " i... this week has been a very confusing week for me, and i don't even know the difference between teal and turquoise anymore. i've tried thinking about it after guanheng brought it up... but i don't know if i like you the same way you do.

"i mean, i see you trying hard towards the things your passionate about, and you put effort towards making things right, and those are already two admirable traits that can make me fall in love and i do admite you, but... i don't know if it's just a brotherly way or a best friend way, or... a lover way or... what.

"i just feel very confused right now, and i don't know what's going on. but i really hope that me saying this doesn't ruin anything that we built between us these past few weeks," taeyong felt his eyes getting teary, but managed to hold it back.

jaehyun continued to look taeyong in the eyes, and he put his left hand to taeyong's right cheek and rubbed his thumb slowly back and forth. "nothing is going to get ruined, i promise. and don't worry, i'm wiling to wait forever for you to clear up your feelings, whether you accept me or not."

taeyong suddenly began crying as he heard those words come from jaehyun. he felt guilty for not knowing his feelings, he felt upset that he couldn't give jaehyun what he wanted, he felt sorry that he had to put jaehyun through so much pain, and he let it show through the tears that escaped from his eyes and traveled down his pink cheeks.

jaehyun hugged taeyong in order to calm him down, to which taeyong accepted the hug and hugged jaehyun back. leaning on the taller male's shoulder, the red haired boy's tears began to disappear after a few minutes of quietly crying on jaehyun's shoulder while the brown haired boy rubbed his back to calm him down.

after the red haired boy calmed down enough to where he would stop crying, jaehyun helped taeyong stand up so they could get a taxi back to the dorms, since it was dark and getting kinda late. reaching the main street, the two were able to wave down a taxi and got into the back seat, telling the driver to take them to the sm high school dorms.

the two rode in silence for a few minutes before taeyong began talking once again. "i'm sorry, jaehyun."

"don't be. i know what it's like to not know your feelings," he replied, sympathizing with the shorter male. jaehyun ran his fingers through taeyong's red hair as the other party was leaning against his shoulder.

when the taxi driver arrived at the sm high dorms, jaehyun thanked the driver and paid the required amount he needed to pay for the ride, which didn't cost any more than an egg mcguffin. the brown and red haired boys said bye as they parted ways to their dorms, officially ending their first ever date.