21. Harry

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Fuck YES.

Finally, she wants him, is asking him to sleep with her—and not the kind of sleeping together they've been doing so far. Of course the answer is yes.

But...she only wants to because she's sad. She thinks it will take away her pain. And it will, but not forever. And then what if she changes her mind, and blames him? Right now, he can't imagine anything worse.

"Sunny, I can't. We can't."

She turns away from him, looking down. "Why? I thought...I thought you'd want to."

"Oh my God, Sunny, I do." He'd been willing to wait as long as she as wanted, but he'd be lying if he said he didn't obsess about what it would be like to be with her.

He tilts her face up and brings his lips to hers. What he meant to be a quick, reassuring peck quickly turns into something much more. Sunny slides her fingers up his neck and into his hair, a move that never fails to give him chills. With a mind of its own, his body rolls on top of her, and she welcomes him eagerly.

No! He has to stop. This is wrong. He would be taking advantage of her. But fuck...he's been wanting this so much. And her tongue feels so smooth against his, and her skin feels so soft under his calloused hands, and the sounds coming out of her mouth are like music from heaven.

"Sunny..." He pulls away, resting on his elbows, which makes Sunny move to his neck, planting kisses up and down. He grins to himself, remembering the first time he kissed her neck. She was so confused, and he had to explain that it was supposed to feel good. And that he wasn't doing it because he was tired of kissing her.

She is so innocent, and inexperienced, and untouched. He's never even been with a virgin before. Is there something he should do differently?

All this uncertainty is more reason to put an end to this.

"Sunny, stop."

She removes her lips from his neck and rests her head back on the blanket. "Why? You said you wanted to."

"I do. It's just," he fights the urge to groan. "It's not right. You're...grieving. You'll regret it."

She looks up at him, brown eyes boring into his, pleading. "I'm not, Harry. I want this. I just didn't realize it until now. I want my first time to be with you." Her fingers are tracing imaginary shapes into his arms.

"You just met me a few months ago." Fuck, she won't stop staring at him. It feels like her eyes are seeing right to his soul.

"And in the real world, I would agree with that logic. But this isn't the real world."

"But losing your virginity, having sex, that's real." Why does she have to bite her lip like that? And the heat coming off of her body? He could really do without that too.

He tries to keep his composure as he feels her leg slide up his side. That's new. "I know it is, Harry, but I want you."

He always succumbs to peer pressure. It's his greatest fault. This time is no different.

He lowers himself until their mouths meet, caressing her lips and tongue like it's the most important thing he'll ever have to do. Now that he's vanquished his morals, he wants to make this good, for both of them.

Rolling off of her and onto his side, he leaves his hand on her hip. She has her flannel shirt on but it has lost so many buttons and ridden up to the point that her entire mid-drift is exposed. As he begins sliding his fingers into the waist of the jeans that had once been his, he's nervous. She's never wanted him to do this before, but surely she won't stop him this time.

He unsnaps the jeans and moves his hand inside them. He can feel the warmth between her legs, and he has to close his eyes and suck in his lips. Keeping his composure is going to be harder than he thought.

"Harry?" His eyes snap open to see a very confused Sunny. "What are you doing?"

"Wha—?" He begins, but then she motions her head down her body, looking at where his hand has disappeared. He follows his instincts and begins rubbing her, outside her panties. He feels her entire body freeze, but her face isn't telling him to stop.

"Your first time is going to hurt, from what I've heard." She nods in understanding, still not taking her eyes off of his. He feels somewhat relieved. He wasn't sure what she knew or didn't know. "But I think if you're really wet already, it may feel...better. Don't you?"

He is still running his fingers over her, and must find a good spot because he sees her suck in a breath. Okay, it's time to get out of his own head and relax. This is supposed to fun.

He leans down to kiss her, but she turns her head at the last moment. "Um...what do you mean by 'wet'?"

"I'll show you." Pushing her panties to the side, he feels the moist, hot skin on his fingertips. "You're already there."

Her eyebrows lower in confusion for a moment before rising in understanding. "You're talking about discharge."

A chuckle escapes his mouth. "We may need to work on your dirty talk."

"What do I do?" She gasps as he finds her most sensitive spot with his thumb.

His lips are at her ear. "Just tell me how it feels."

She nods, eyes closed, swallowing deeply. "It feels...different, but not in a bad way. I've never felt anything quite like this."

He smiles even though she can't see him. Her eyes are still closed.

"I like...thaaaat." The word stretches.

"And...oh my God!"

"Yes, yes, yes. Keep doing that."

"Harry..."

She bends her knees and spreads her legs further apart. He sees the sweat forming on her skin as her breathing gets faster and faster, more ragged with each inhale. She's getting close. Harry's hand is covered in her wetness as he continues his progress, moving in and out of her, rubbing her, soothing her.

He's surprised when her eyes shoot open and turn to look at him. She grabs the back of his head and pulls him down, devouring his mouth with hers. She kisses him hard, and unapologetically, until she suddenly stops.

Her lips are a paper's width away as she holds her breath, back arching, toes curling. This is what he's been dying to see for months. She is in pure ecstasy because of him. It was worth the wait.

When she is able to speak again, he hears "Harry..." so quietly that it seems more breath than voice. "I felt that....everywhere. My whole body."

He hadn't realized he'd been holding his breath along with her until he tries to speak. "Yeah. It's pretty great."

She's still panting, chest rising and falling with each eye blink. "What's next?"

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