1. Roma

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Looking out at the horizon, I can't see where the ocean ends and the sky begins. It's all just black on this moonless night.

I was afraid of the dark until well past the age that it was socially acceptable, sneaking into my dad's room after he was asleep and curling into a ball on his floor—just knowing he was close made me feel better. Eventually, he started leaving a sleeping bag and pillow at the end of his bed.

Standing here now is bringing back some of those feelings of dread and the unknown from my childhood. But my dad's not here this time.

My mind goes to the summer when Starlight first came to the ranch. She was only half-broke—getting spooked when anyone came within ten feet of her, kicking her legs and showing her teeth.

She was so beautiful though, black with slivers of almost-purple sparkling through. The second I laid eyes on her, I knew I wanted her. Dad's rule had always been if you wanted a horse, you broke them, so I knew what was coming.

Standing outside her pin for the first time, I was terrified. Stepping over that fence would eliminate all the protection I had, so I just stood there, studying her, until I felt a hand on my shoulder. I knew without looking that it was Dad.

"You'll be fine. I'll be right behind you."

"But Dad, can't you just go in first? Maybe I'll feel better if I see you do it."

He shook his head. "I can't. This is something you have to do. The fear in your head is far greater than anything you'll find in there. You know what to do. Just take a deep breath and one step at a time, Roma."

I looked away without responding and, before I could change my mind, placed one foot on the fence. I had nailed that board to the post myself the summer before. The other foot followed, and after that, I swung my leg over the top and gently landed on the ground.

I turned around slowly and saw Starlight staring at me, but as I heard Dad shuffling into the pin behind me, I wasn't scared anymore. He was right. Taking that first step was the worst part.

So now, right as I feel like I'm about to be swallowed by the overwhelming and never-ending darkness of tonight, I take my first step. This railing is roughly the same height as the fence around the horse pin, and within seconds, I am on the other side.

The front half of my feet are off the edge, and if I were to release my hands from the bar, I would fall into the dark, dark sea.

I again gaze outward. There is nothing in any direction, not that I expected there to be. I don't even know where we are in the world.

It's nothing short of ironic that I'm the one who wanted to take this cruise, which was advertised as the "Only Ship to Sail 360 Degrees" around the world. I'd never left Iowa, and I wanted to see as much of this planet as possible. And now I've spent the entire time in my room, alone.

We've been gone for ten days, and the only people I have spoken to were the two that came knocking at my door today. I only opened it because I thought it was my room service. When I saw the two bleach-blonde, barely clothed, twenty-somethings, I was speechless.

The extreme look of disappointment on their faces made it clear that I was not who they were hoping to see.

"Fuck," the one on the left said.

"Don't be rude." Her friend elbowed her before turning to me. "I'm sorry. We heard that the person in this room hadn't left it at all, so we thought you might be...you know who."

I shook my head. "Who?"

"Have you not heard?" The first one spoke again and must have seen in my face that I had not. She whispered, "Harry Styles is on this boat."

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