First Punch ➟ Kellic

F O R T Y T H R E E

Before I can come up with an appropriate response, I'm distracted by Lucas rolling over in bed. Jake pulls his hand from under my shirt, quickly wiping his face and looking over his shoulder at his sleeping brother. His muscles tense as Lucas stirs again, and I now realize that he doesn't show his brother this side of him.

"Um..." I mumble, thinking for a moment. "D'you wanna get out of here? Let's go for a walk or something," I suggest.

"Aren't you tired?" Jake wonders.

I shake my head, wide awake now. I push myself up onto my elbows, urging him: "C'mon. Let's go."

Jake sniffles again, nodding. "Okay."

We both get up, and I pull on the first pair of pants that I find. I turn to Jake as he pulls a shirt over his head, reaching out and taking his hand. He grins faintly, interlocking our fingers as we quietly manoeuvre to the door in complete darkness.

I carefully close the door behind us, standing close to Jake as we head down the stairs. Once we're in the parking lot and I don't think we'll disturb anyone, I slow my pace and try to decide what to say. I look over at Jake, his eyes still teary, intimidating me. The last thing I want to do is make things worse.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I cautiously ask.

Jake glances at me, hesitating for a moment. "It's just..." he stops, new tears falling. "I wish she could've met you, you know?"

I feel a lump in my throat at the sight of him so upset, but also about the fact that he actually wants me to be involved in their family.

"Yeah," I mumble, nodding. "I wish I could've met her too."

We exit the parking lot, turning in a random direction. Jake's hands are cold, slightly sweaty, and he's still sniffling.

"I hate him," he angrily mutters, visibly tensing. "I fucking hate him."

I look at him sympathetically, knowing he's talking about his late father. I have a certain amount of my own parental hatred, but there's no way it's anywhere near what he must be harbouring.

"He fucking ruined me. Me and Lucas. I hate him. I still see parts of him in me and I..." he sighs, wiping a fresh tear. "I hate having the damn devil in my bloodstream. I don't want want anything to do with him let alone be his legacy."

I nod, understanding, but I don't want him to focus on that right now. I need to distract him, help him see the good in those same ideas.

"She's still with you too though," I try to assure him. He looks at me, seeming even more upset. "And even if I didn't know her, I know she'd be proud of who you've become."

A few more tears fall from both of our eyes, and I run my freehand up and down his arm reassuringly.

Jake nods, wiping his nose. "I hope so," he replies.

"I know so," I tell him honestly. "You're fucking incredible, Jake. You're nothing like him. You're too nice for your own good sometimes. There's no way she wouldn't be proud."

"But I keep failing with Lucas, and-"

He's really crying now and it breaks my heart. His words frustrate me though. He can't put so much pressure on himself. He's basically parenting his brother and only just turned 18! He's doing more than enough as a sole caregiver.

"Whoa," I interrupt him. "You're not failing. You're doing your best. I think it's working too, I've never seen this side of Lucas before."

"What side?" he cynically chuckles. "The broken one?"