ONE

Chapter 20

I've lost count of how many times I've cried in the last week. Because of the baby , because of Derek , because of samuel . Nothing really mattered anymore. Not what I thought , not what I said . I was just a pawn in everyone's game that they called life.

Queen ? Yeah right.

I've felt further from the definition they called 'queen '. I didn't have a say, I can't do what I want and I CERTAINLY didn't have what it takes to rule. Maybe that was the source of my real sadness as I lied on the bedroom floor. It wasn't the fact that Derek didn't value me as a person or loved me , or having experienced a loss indescribable to any other,  or even the fact that Samuel treated me like a boy toy.

It was the hole in my heart of not knowing what love is...

When I was little it made me think back to what my mom used to tell me before she died ; love is putting someone else's needs before yours . And so far, I haven't seen any sign that such a love exists for me .

Maybe I was just too broken to be loved. Too messed up and ... unlovable.

I cried harder at the thought that I might be alone for the rest of life. Married and living in a palace but alone in every other aspect in my life, both physically and emotionally.

Choking back my tears I felt someting inside me stir making me rush to the bathroom at lightening speed , spewing -  I don't even know when my last meal was - into the toilet bowl. Wiping my mouth and letting my stomach drop , I check the room before taking the test from the shelf and repeatedly silently praying it to say no .

"Please, please , please , I don't need this too. " I said after washing my hands and placing the buffering test on the counter top. I paced up and down thinking about how much WORSE this is going to be for me if it turned out to be positive.

"Elena ?" Derek's voice called from the door while I silently sweared , checking the test and then crying all over again.

POSITIVE

"Elena where are you?" I hear him walking closer while I hid the test behind my back trying to hide my tears as best I could.

"What are you - hey , what's wrong ?" He said a lot more softer and compassionate than his usual tone of voice while I just shook my head.

"Nothing . It's... I'm fine. " I said trying to shove past him while he turned me around looking down at me with pain filled eyes , almost as if he felt sorry for me or something.

"What's this ?" He said softly, taking the test out of my hand against my protest.

"I can explain! Please !" I said before he could say anything,  while I watched him flip it around and look at it and then back up at me.

"You're pregnant? But how ?" He said making me frown. "I mean , I know how. But it wasn't mine , right ?" He said making me feel guiltier and worse than I already felt. So I did the only thing I was good at , I bawled my eyes out.

"No , don't cry Elena. Please. You know I can't handle... emotions. " He said as he walked me to the bed as I didn't say a word. " Is it Samuel's or Cade's?" He said reading between the lines as I looked up at him with sorrow in my eyes.

"Samuel's..." I whispered while he jumped up looking like he was about to hit something. " But he doesn't care ! I was just a fling to him anyway..." I said looking down crying harder as I saw him sit back down from the corner of my eye.

"I - I thought it would get my mind off of you. And it did for a split second but then... he said he was just using me and that I was too naive and gullible to have thought anyone could ever love me. That this was all I was good for ... " I said through a hiccup of tears.

"Are you lying to me Elena?" He said making me look up at him through teary eyes.

"Does it look like I would lie about something like this ?" He didn't answer me. " you know what, just ... just forget it okay ? Maybe Samuel was right. "

"So you're having his kid now ?" He said completely skipping over me SPEWING my heart out infront of him. Like his stupid heir was all he cared about !

"Yes dammit ! What don't you get ? Are you going to kill this one too !?" I said while he mumbled something under his breath I couldn't quite hear. But it didn't matter anyway. I was doomed either way.

Derek Lauder once killed a guy for parking in his spot. Another for saying they were friends when he barely knew the guy. I couldn't even fathom what he was going to do to me for having another man's child when this was my sole purpose for existing according to him. So why bother lying when I'll be knee deep in a ditch by night fall for my little slip up anyway?

I watched as he stood up and looked me over with just his heavy breathing making up the sound in the room. When I told him what I did , I expected him to lash out at me , push me against the nearest wall while he held me up by the throat telling me what a terrible person I am and how he hated my guts . But he didn't... instead , he just left . Without another word.

I know it's short but I've got a treat for you all next chapter. Stay tuned for Derek's POV next. Thank you so much for reading. Remember to leave your thoughts in the comment section below. Until next time, keep howling my wolves 🐺❤