The Privilege

The First

I was playing my piano for her when I felt the breeze of autumn tried to sneak through the window. It was chill and cold compared to the warmth of Chopin melody that echoing in the room.

"It's so beautiful, Alex," she said.

I finished the melody, then grabbed my phone and write a note for her. She was smiling reading at it and looked at me right after. I reached her, pulling her to my arms and softly kissed her plump lips.

"Thank you," she said as I caressed her face and she leaned it to my palm.

"Never as beautiful as you, Alisa," I whispered to her ear, hoping the miracle would come.

The truth of my words were lies on her face. Her hair was black and her eyes were as beautiful as the ocean for me. Even words would never be enough to express how beautiful she was for me.

We've been together for almost 15 years. I was in 8th grade when I first saw her. My eyes met hers and I knew right away, she was my first love. I never found the courage to talk to her, I only watched her from a distance. As far as possible so she couldn't sense my presence. I preferred to be invisible to her.

"Yea, keep telling yourself that you can date her with that stare," Justin's voice came like a ring. It brought me to the past.

"What the hell?? Please leave me to my eternity with her"

"You know, for a guy who considered smart, you're not qualified enough to tell me Einstein's relativity theory, not to mention, the eternity." Justin nodded, as if he gave the approval for his own words.

"I don't know, man. I guess I'll never date her. I can't feel my body in front of her. And my mouth lost its ability to speak even a word! What do you expect from me to date her?!" I let all my frustrations out, hoping he would understand everything I felt inside.

"Dude..."

"Oh no, don't 'Dude' me!"

"Will you ever listen to my point??!" Justin half yelled and I decided to close my mouth this time when he tried to give me a lecture about my feelings, again and again.

"It's been a year you being this creepy guy who's falling into a beautiful lady. Beautiful IN your version, I emphasize the word 'IN'. You see? I'm trying here." I couldn't help but to roll my eyes listening to every word he said.

"You do realize she's our Junior, right? Next year you'll leave her. No more sneaking out every day just to see her smile or laugh, or face, or whatever, you pick the word. What will you do then, come here every day just to see her? How about come here every day to pick her, take her for a movie date, grab dinner together, or even a library date! She loves book, you love book, you guys will be that perfect nerdy couple. But if you choose not to do anything about her, then you even missed the chance to make her happy. It's your job to make her happy, not her friends, but you, the boy who always watching her and protecting her from the distance," Justin added a smug face to end a beautiful speech just to destroy it.

"You can now call me 'Dude'! Whoa, what was that??" I blinked rapidly to his words. I just couldn't believe what happened.

"I know right, I sometimes amazed myself!" Justin said the words in proud.

"But you also know that speech doesn't enough to move me, right?"

"Oh, if you don't, I will. I'll make her my girlfriend just to make you jealous. Watch me!" He said that as he walked to her direction.

I pulled his arms and create such a scene. Noisy enough to make she stared at us. I lose it all when our eyes met. I couldn't walk, I released Justin's hands just to gather my ability to walk the opposite way from her.

"Dude come on!" Justin grabbed my arm and kept pulling me to talk to her. "Please dude, it's been a year. Enough. I can't stand it anymore." It was the first time I saw Justin so frustrated. Not even when he had 2 in Math, but it was when his best friend couldn't tell his first love about his feelings. Yes, first love. Still, I retreated myself from the scene. I would talk to her, but not in front of everyone. But I knew that I would. Justin followed me to the classroom since the recess would end soon anyway. His face said everything about me. Anger, that what it was. Luckily, our next subject didn't need very much attention, and the teacher, Ms. Hannigan, didn't help us at all. So I decided to ignore her and started to pass a note to my best friend.

'I'm sorry but you gotta help me to talk to her. I have to figure less embarrassing way.'

I tried to make Justin forgive me, and helped me because he was right, I had to talk to her about what I feel. Justin looked at me as I pleaded. He wrote something and passed me the note.

'Ok. My home, after school.'

I knew right away this was the first chance to make my first love smile, for the first time after a year.