Leave me alone...I'm Lonely

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It was the summer of 2015, August 28. My mum and I never really did much over the summer. I didn't really have any friends, and I never had any siblings. So as sad as it sounds, my mum was my only friend. It had been this way since I turned 13, I did have a few friends. But then we moved away, mum never gave me a reason, and after that I was home schooled. So I was never given the chance to meet anyone. We rarely left the house unless completely necessary, and I was lead to think that it had something to do with my Dad. He had been hit by a car and passed only 3 days before the move. I couldn't bare it, but my mum seemed even more bothered by the fact of his death. I often found her sitting in the spot they used to meet by, to sit down and chat, as if he would return. She couldn't live without him. So we moved. At that point I had been furious with her, I just came home on the last day of school to find all of our belongings in boxes and loaded into a truck. She told me that we were leaving. And when she said that, she meant it. We left England, and moved to America. I have no idea how she pulled it off so quickly, all the packing, and the paper work to get us here. But it was all so sudden and unexpected. I never got to say goodbye to my friends, and it was like I was totally erased from existence to the outside world. So... Ya, I had no friends.

"Dan! Come on! It's one of the last days of summer! Get off you lazy arse so we can make pancakes!" My mum yelled from downstairs. I laughed, shes one of those cool mums that you could come to with anything... Maybe even murder.

"Ok Mum!" I shouted back and leaped out of bed. 1st day of a series of the same day repeated over and over again. Just like every summer, just like every day in the year. I wouldn't go as far as saying I was depressed, more bored. It was all just the same. Life was boring. But yet I pushed through. I wasn't sad, but I was never truly excited for the day. I went to go take a shower and get dressed for the day. Wearing all black of course, it was literally all I owned. It's all my mom bought for me, I didn't mind though, I loved black! But I'll tell you something I hate, my hobbit hair. My stupid curly hair. I shouldn't really be bothered with it because I never really go out in public... Or out of the house for that matter. But yet I straighten it every day. Just to avoid being insecure when I stare at myself in the mirrors we seem to keep in every room of the house for who knows what reason. I walked downstairs in my socks and found my mum in the kitchen gathering all the ingredients to make pancakes.

"Looks like you finally woke up" my mum laughed "come help me, these pancakes won't cook themselves!" And with that I laughed as well. We had fun just talking about the summer and the nonsense we wanted to do before I had to start my weird online schooling again... This time an online university. We had a fun time being random in the kitchen before my mom randomly got silent while we were eating.

"What is it?" I looked at her suddenly blank expression, and then she smiled again.

"How about we go shopping today? New wardrobe for school and shiz, I'll get you whatever you want" she smiled and looked me in the eye, I saw something flicker across her brown eyes, worry perhaps?

"Mum... I don't go to public school, why would I need new clothes" I asked confused

"So.... You don't wanna go?" She shook her head in a joking matter

"Well I never said that!" I smirked and she laughed.

"It's settled then! I'll get the keys, you go to the garage and get in the car, it's open" and then she walked off to grab her keys off the counter and get her purse where she kept her money. I walked to the garage door and slipped on my shoes. I walked to the car and slipped into the passenger side, I haven't been in here for a few months. My mum hopped in next to me and started the car, "ok, to the mall we go!" She smiled and backed out out the driveway and we were off. We hardly ever left the house, much less to a huge and crowded area. When we did it was always to a tiny grocery store to get food, or to the barbershop to get a haircut, my mom tried to do everything, but she couldn't cut hair worth a crap. We found that out about a two years ago when we moved and she tried to but I ended up with the worse haircut of my life. So I was really surprised when she said that we were going to the mall. I didn't question it though, she might change her mind and I was looking forward to it. Then I randomly heard my mom laugh.

"What?" I looked to her in confusion but I laughed once with her.

"Nothing. It's just that you seem excited, haven't seen that dimple in a while Daniel" she seemed happy about that, but I just rolled my eyes and turned up the radio

"and the players gonna play play play play play! And the haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate! But I'm just gonna shake shake shake shake shake! SHAKE IT OFF!! SHAKE IT OFF!!" I sang along loudly and my mom started to laugh and sing along as well. After driving for a while we finally made it and as soon as we parked I practically jumped out of the car and I was bouncing up and down on my feet. "Come ON! Mum!! I wanna go in!" I acted like an impatient child but I just couldn't wait! I get to go shopping for the first time in forever!

"Hold on! Let me grab my purse" my mom laughed and got out of the car. I started skipping to the entrance and I heard my mum snicker behind me. But I was too happy to care. We walked through that mall for hours, I got some sweet new outfits and my mum was randomly picking up pencils and books and other odds and ends from the 'back-to-school' sections in each of the stores. What was she doing?

"Hey? Mum? Why do you need all that... Stuff?" I motioned down at her bags and she looked at me guiltily

"I don't need it... You need it" she smiled at me and I became suddenly very confused.

"Why would I need it?" I questioned her, why would I need books and writing utensils? I always just use my computer for everything.

"Because Dan... Your going to University!" She smiled at me and made a small squeal, much like a teenage girl would.

"As in... Public University?!" I asked excitedly, I could be getting the wrong idea but I really hope I was going to public school again! I always begged her to put me back but she always just said that it wasn't affordable. Even though that's bull crap because the online system she paid for me to use is 10x more expensive than the High School... I didn't dare question it though.

"YES! Are you excited or what?!" She was ecstatic

"OH MY GOD YES!!" I shouted and people looked my way, I wasn't embarrassed though, I was too busy being happy and jumping up and down. My mom laughed and acted excited with me. This was the best day ever!

I was excited the whole way home, I didn't shut my mouth about how excited I was. What would it be like? What were the people like? Gah! I'm just way too excited! I ran into the house jumping up and down "soooo Mum, what collage am I going to?!?!?!" I looked at her eager to know. Her smile instantly dropped and she stared out the window. I was still excited but this worried me "Mum? What's wrong?" I asked, and she turned to face me. The look of guilt, regret, and fear was clearly painted on her features. "Mum?"

"Dan.... We have to move back to England... t-to our old house" she stuttered slightly and that's when my world flipped upside down. I've grown so used to America... I was a citizen here. How am I going to get used to this? How am I going to get used to my mum dropping back into her sad trance? Well... If she did become depressed again. We moved away to get away from the memories. I cried every day because of my fathers death... For a year I cried. And now I have to endure the pain again. I have to face the past... I have to have my memories haunt me, again. I took a few steps back, I was breathing really hard and I felt dizzy. "Daniel, are you ok?" My mum asked worriedly, cutting through the silence.

"N-n-no, I-I need to be alone" and with that I raced back to my room. I shut the door and slid down it, hiding my head in between my knees. I let a single tear fall, how am I going to live through this? I guess I at least won't have to be at the house, I'll have a dorm... But how will Mum take it, she barely survived last time! I'm just feeling really lonely right now...

"Dan?" I heard my mum knock on my door lightly

"Leave me alone! I'm lonely!" I shouted to her. And it was true. Although lonely usually means that you want company, right now I just needed some time to myself.

"I-I'm sorry Dan... I really am, but you'll be ok, you'll love it there! I promise. We start packing tomorrow, tell me if you need anything!" I heard my mum through the door and she walked away. Sighing I walked to my bed and stared up at the ceiling for the rest of the night. Not letting a single thought into my head. Leaving it blank. I just don't want to think right now. Too much.
It's almost all too much.

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