Yellow Paint : A Collection of Midnight Thoughts

Falling in Reverse

Feeling heartbroken
Is better
Than feeling stupid

And that's how I feel now
It ruins you in a whole new way
Feeling dumb like this

I can't think
Or create
Or breathe sometimes

Because I remember how you held me
And then I remember it was a lie
So am I writing the truth

Or did I make it up?
Is it all a story?
Did I dream you?

Falling in love
And falling out of it
Are not the same feelings

But both tear you open anyways
Filling you with excitement
Then filling you with embarrassment

You're the splat
On the sidewalk below
And the building I jumped from

I am the long walk
You're the short pier
And the ocean I drown in still

Your scent wafts from
Darkened corners of my mind
A nightmare

You spill into daytime
And I remember the ways
You manipulated me

And how I loved you anyway
I remember sleepless nights
And unanswered phone calls

I remember crying
Over the nothing you gave me
And how you never asked about it

I remember the threats
That you would just die
If I ever left

And how when I finally did
You just walked the other way
I made myself sick

And for what?
And now I feel stupid
And useless

And like if you said it again
And sounded like you meant it
I would come back

Climbing up the building
With bloodied fingernails
Clinging to hope once again

Falling through feelings
And cracking skulls on the
Pavement when you said no

I don't like to bring you up anymore
Because I regret
How deeply I felt

Because I was the only one
But I miss how you made me feel
Because I never realized

How empty life was without you
And I can recognize that now
And I hate how stupid I sound

Because maybe that's what drove you away
Falling in love is hard
But falling out of it is worse