What Lasts in Us

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE

Nina wipes her hands over her face and takes a deep breath. "Okay," she says finally. "Don't expect us to be back anytime soon." She leaves, following the same path as Liam, calling his name as she goes. She, as well as her torch, is quickly consumed by the night.

"Lin–"

"Don't." He turns to me, looking past Nate to catch my gaze. Grief and pain caused by what happened within the past couple of hours is evident all over his face. "I don't want to talk about it. Not yet." He breathes in deep and closes his eyes, like he's preparing himself. "I need to be alone," he says. "Don't worry, I won't go very far."

I don't see where he goes because it takes me a moment to get to my feet and find my footing. And Nate blocks my view anyway, coming to stand before me in my personal space. He grabs my face and forces me to look at him, his thumb leaving a gentle trail over my lower lip.

"Explain to me what is going on," he says. "And don't you dare lie to me. I'm not in the mood for anymore bullshit."

"Their sister, Eva, was killed when we escaped," I say. It's probably the best place to start than anywhere else. "They shot and killed her. She was pregnant."

"And why do they keep saying you attacked someone with an axe?" he asks. "Is it true?"

How much do I divulge to him? How do I explain what happened?

"The person who's been searching for me, the person who wanted me to go back to the settlement, is a man named King," I begin. Despite the closeness, despite him holding my face, his thumb moving tantalisingly over my lips, I play with my hands, my hands that are covered in blood all the way to the wrists. "He – his real name is Derek. We dated and we broke up before the world ended. He–" The next words are hard to say. Because will he understand? Will Nate understand where I'm coming from, where all this rage and hatred and grief is stored, all rolled up into one, just waiting to be unleashed? "He prevented me from saving my sister. Thea."

Nate knows what's coming next, but he doesn't say anything, nor does he interrupt me in any way. He wants to hear me say it.

My voice is shaky when I speak next. I fight back tears. "He stopped me from saving my sister. He physically stopped me from going in to save her! So I said that if I ever saw him again, I would kill him. And in all honesty, I thought he was dead. I never saw him again after what happened to Thea. And then, for him to suddenly crop up ... here? I couldn't help it. I had to. I had to hurt him like he had me. And no way in hell did I want to kill him. I wanted to hurt him, like he made me hurt. So I attacked him with an axe. I basically cut off his arm. His shooting arm."

Nate continues to hold me, and his gaze is still on my face. But he's closed off, so I can't get a read on what he's feeling. Sympathy? Understanding?

"If you don't understand, fine. I get it. But I know you'd feel the same way if something happened to Emmi, and you came face-to-face with the person who caused her harm."

Nate lets go of my face, a jerky movement. I flinch as his fingers brush my jaw. "Maybe," he says, a non-answer. His favourite. "But–" He doesn't look at me anymore. He can't look at me. He thinks I'm a monster, someone without a heart. And I warned him. I told him I was cruel, that my humanity was all but lost. He just refused to see me for who I really am: a monster.

"I told you," I say before Nate can open his mouth again. "You just didn't want to believe me."

Nate shakes his head and lifts his gaze to look at me. Despite the dark, I can see the emotions dancing and fighting within the blue. "So is that how the sister died?" he asks. "They shot her in retaliation for what you did?"

"They weren't even there," I say quickly. "And he told them not to shoot. So I don't know. They knew her. They knew she was pregnant."

The more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense. Sure she was aiding and abetting a criminal (me), but the worst they could've done was apprehend her – question her, too. But instead they shot her, like she was armed and ready to shoot someone. Maybe they shot her because she'd been the closest to Derek at the time, and they assumed it had been her who attacked him? But then, I was also close by, and covered in blood.

I rub a tired hand over my face, not in the least bit surprised to find it comes back damp. "She was my friend," I say to Nate.

Nate finally opens himself to me. All I see in anguish and pain. For me? I don't know. The fleeting happiness he experienced not so long ago is all but gone, and it hurts me to know that I'm the source of this decline. "You hacked a guy's arm with an axe," he says. His voice is nothing but a murmur.

I thought maybe, maybe he would understand where I was coming from. But of course he doesn't. I shouldn't have expected anything less. No one would understand the all-consuming rage and hatred I feel for Derek and what he's cost me. But it doesn't hurt any less to see it written on Nate's face, or to hear it spoken by him.

Man oh man I wish I was a cold, heartless bitch. Wicked Witch of the West-esque.

I rub my hands over my face, through my hair. I can't do this anymore. I feel tired, exhausted. Emotionally drained. "He deserved it," I say, and I know the words are exactly what Nate doesn't want to hear. But at this stage, I don't care. This is about me, not him. "He should've let me go and save my sister. And if I couldn't save her, I should've died with her. I shouldn't even be here right now. But he was too selfish and righteous to let me do that."

"You don't mean that," Nate says. "You should be here. You have every right to be here. I just don't think hacking someone with an axe is the right way to go about it."

"Not when it's about Thea," I say. "Anyone else? Sure, I'd do it differently. But when it concerns her, no dice." I can't believe we're having this conversation. I will not be taken on a guilt trip in regards to my little sister. Or my actions when it comes to her.

I can't do this anymore. I can't–

Nate hears it before I do. His head snaps up and he looks past me; I look over my shoulder as a lone gunshot sounds from maybe a kilometre or two away from here. Then I hear the shouting, the screaming, and another gunshot, followed by another.

I take off in the direction of the noises, my gun already in My hand. I leave Nate to sort out Emmi, but it's Lindsay who follows behind me as we race across open ground and then through the trees.

The branches attack every inch of exposed skin, but I barely feel it because all I can focus on are the noises, the all too-familiar noises of MeVs–

Incoherent screaming and grunting reverberates and expands from its origin, and I know, without a doubt, that what we're going to find isn't going to be pleasant.

And it's not. There's a small clearing within the grove of trees, the grass dead and knee-high. A section of the grass has been crushed because that's where Liam and Nina lie, bodies broken, bleeding, being eaten by two MeVs who are chowing down on their insides.

Lindsay arrives a split second after I do, and it's the distraction of his dead brother and his girlfriend that leaves us both vulnerable. Someone grabs me, shoves Lindsay off-balance, and then pulls me away; I can't lift my handgun because there's already a gun to my head, and Lindsay has been stripped of both his and the holster it sat in.

"Come with me if you wanna live," Maia says to me, henceforth ruining one of my all-time favourite quotes.