Banana Fish - Another missed flight

Gunshots, Tears and Kisses

Important Note before reading this chapter
This chapter contains a major character death in a nightmare scene I've written. (Of course, no one really dies in my story , it's a happy ending after all)
The scene comes right after a long black line signaling a break. If you don't want to read it, you can skip over it. I've marked it like this「 」and have written it in italic writing (same font as this text), so you can see it.

I hope you'll still read it✨

Enjoy reading!
This is the last dramatic chapter. After that it will get more romantic and fluffy, I promise😉❤️

I just think that Ash has to break down completely before he can get better, heal and be happy with Eiji.

Damn.

When Eiji was sleeping so peacefully, Ash wondered how he could ever tell him about his nightmares? Ash put his book back on the table again and ran a hand through his hair. He knew he should tell Eiji. Eiji had always told him that he'd help him through that. That they would overcome everything together. He believed Eiji's words, he really did. He knew Eiji had really meant that at the time.

But how could he tell him that Eiji himself was the reason for his nightmares? Eiji would only blame himself. He just couldn't do that to him. He didn't want to drag Eiji down into the darkness with him.

His nightmares had slowly returned some weeks ago. Ash had always known they would eventually. Because in Japan he had a normal life. A quiet life. In his former action-filled life it had been so much easier to suppress all those horrible memories, his traumatic past, his heinous crimes. Easier to forget them, deny them, ignore them. But this new life made all the emotions that he had suppressed for so long resurface again. It didn't happen overnight. Ash had noticed that his traumatic and horrible memories were slowly sneaking into his dreams again.

At the beginning they were short scenes about people he'd seen dying or had lost. Like Shorter, Skip or his brother. After a few days they had changed and had slowly turned into scenes of his abusers touching him, hurting him, raping him. They made him wake up drenched in sweat. They were scary sometimes and he felt filthy and disgusting after waking up. But since knowing his abusers were dead, they weren't as terrifying anymore as they used to be.

But in the last two nights his nightmares had changed again. Ash knew they would get worse in the next few days. And that he would not be able to hide them from Eiji any longer. Because those nightmares were about his greatest fear: losing Eiji. Putting him in mortal danger. Failing to protect him. Seeing him die. Coming too late so save him. He had only managed to conceal them until now because Eiji was busy with college and so focused on his assignments that he hadn't noticed until now.

And he still wondered if he was just a burden to Eiji with all his nightmares, his pain and suffering. Eiji didn't deserve that. Maybe Eiji was just too nice to tell him that... What if he was just messing up Eiji's life and was just a troublemaker as his father had always said? Maybe Eiji would get tired of his emotional trauma eventually. Of always comforting him. What would he do then? He couldn't imagine a life without Eiji...

Living with him was not always easy. There had been several incidents where Ash had overreacted at the beginning. When people touched him incidentally on crowded streets or had bumped into him. Ash had reacted on pure instinct and had defended himself, pushing people to the floor or twisting their arms. Eiji had explained the situation each time, telling them he was a survivor of war or something similar and had apologized for him. Still, Eiji had never gotten angry with him, but had just hugged him, had calmed him down and had assured him that everything was fine. That he'd get used to it. The worry in Eiji's eyes hurt much more than any stab wound ever could, directly boring into his heart. He sometimes wished Eiji would get angry with him. That he'd shout at him. Fight with him. But Eiji never did, simply explaining to him that his reaction was to be expected. Eiji had convinced him that he needed time to get used to a normal world. That he couldn't expect miracles after years of traumatic experiences. Explaining to him that recovery was a slow process that didn't come overnight. That he could see he had already started healing and that it would get better with time.