Life with A.S.D (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

Chapter Three ~ Body Language And More

I will touch on the subject of meltdowns but I'm talking about everything you can do to help and autistic/ASD person in every day life. I have written the topics in bold at the start of the paragraph that will talk about it so it's easier for you guys to find if you're looking for a specific topic that you're unsure on. If you don't find that topic here, please comment what you want to know what I will either make a chapter on it if its a big thing that needs lots of explaining or explain it to you in the comments.

And please remember that I won't call you dumb for not knowing something. I applaud you for trying to learn more about me and my fellow ASD friends.

First things first, language. Every ASD person is different and have different views and beliefs on every subject. For example: retard. The word retard is a derogatory term often used against ASD people (even HF) and others with mental and physical disabilities. Due to its reputation many people think nobody should say it, that its a word we don't use anymore.

I actually have zero issues with the word retard when used appropriately. I don't mind my friends or family jokingly calling me a retard and I don't mind the word being in jokes. I believe words only have the power you give it. Others would disagree. Some people think it's extremely offensive and I can see why, because sometimes it is. It depends on context and the person or people you're using it with. You would have to make sure the person you're calling a retard is okay with it and that they know its a joke. The best way to figure this out is just asking them if they're okay with it.

If the person is NOT okay with it please don't use it. It's that simple, really. This goes for any word you might deem as offensive or insensitive.

Now that we have language out of the way, lets move on to sensitivity. Each person with ASD is different and therefore will have different things that they are sensitive to, just like everyone else including NT's. For example, something I'm extremely sensitive to is small touches. By that I mean, leg accidentally bumping into me, fingers brushing off me or constant poking. I don't have time to prepare myself for these touches so they can quickly lead to meltdowns. It makes me feel strange in a wat that is almost impossible to describe.

I have learned to cope and now can be touched without preparation a lot more then I used to be, but it's still difficult. For others it can be bright lights, loud noises, out of place objects or anything else. It's simply something that upsets us that others don't care about.

What can you do to help? Find out what the other person is sensitive to and try to avoid doing it. If you accidentally do it, its okay. Trying to change something you've been doing your whole life is hard, especially if you're only doing it for one person. Please remember that of you do something wrong, its not your fault. Sometimes it might seem like you set the individual into a meltdown when in reality it was actually someone else who started the build up. Don't be upset. If someone is having a meltdown and they need a compression hug, don't be shy and do it for them (if you feel comfortable enough that is!).

RECAP: Compression hug is just a hug but purposely trying to apply pressure to the other person. Many ASD people find pressure calming.

I can't say here what every ASD person will need/want when they begin to feel sensitive, since everyone is different. To discover it, ask them!

Many people don't listen to adult ASD people and go off of studies they read. Don't do this and just ask of you're curious because it makes many of us feel like we're just an experiment or just a study. I personally hate people asking 'What study can I read to help you?' Because you can just ask me if you want to help me. It's a very sad truth.

Now, our third topic is body language. Many ASD people can't read body language all the way into adulthood. I'm still a teenager myself but I struggle with normal body language still. Other ASD people learn quickly how to read others but none of us are born with the ability.

Our own body language is very different to an NT's body language. Eye contact is a very big example of this. Many ASD people, myself included, struggle with eye contact. For me, it feels strange and bothers me. I can't concentrate on eye contact and understanding what you're saying to me, so to fix this I look at peoples mouth or chest. I find looking at the mouth is very helpful if someone has an accent. It's also a language tip. I read online that if you look at peoples mouths while they are speaking your target language it can make it easier to learn it. Thats not what we're here for though, so back to eye contact we go.

Another thing about our body language is often we'll move around while talking to you. I have a tendency to shadow box while talking to people or move from one place to another and then back to the original spot. I've noticed other ASD people doing similar. Others do fidget. This is how some of us concentrate. It may seem weird to you but please don't comment on it. That will just lead to awkwardness and often times make us feel ashamed of our methods.

Now, do keep in mind that some ASD people keep great eye contact. This is because that ASD is a spectrum. Everyone is different, but I do find the majority don't like eye contact (I haven't done a study, just going off what I've heard from others with ASD speaking about their experiences and my own).

Our methods of concentration and stimming is important to us. Stimming is our fidgeting we do to keep calm. Everyone stims differently. Many NT's will shift from foot to foot, rub their arms, cross their arms or bite their nails. Stimming is just another word for self soothing. Usually our ways are different. My stimming is rubbing my knuckles together or shaking my right wrist sideways really fast. Stimming is unique to that person when it comes to ASD. The movements we do may seem weird to others but please remember that it's our way to stay calm. If you see an ASD person stimming, leave them be and don't mention it.

Our fourth and final topic is special interests. ASD people have special interests that they enjoy talking about. It's usually seen as an obsession as special interests are different to our normal interests. For example, I like Minecraft but its not one of my special interests. Minecraft for me would be a normal interest. My special interests include fitness, teddies, books ( specifically fantasy books), history and more. These things I just absolutely love. My special interests are so special to me that I could pump out a twenty page essay on each and every one of them in under two hours for each essay.

Special interests make it extremely easy to talk about them, because it's like an obsession with that topic or thing or place. A special interest can be anything from a language to a country to a toy to a game to a subject in school. Special interests are not limited to anything.

People with ASD, especially children, don't have that voice in their head to tell them to stop talking about something. An NT might go on about (for example) puppies for ten minutes. After those ten minutes they might say to themselves 'Okay, I've talked for too long and they seem bored. Ask them something or change the topic'.

ASD people lack this. I've sort of learned to sense when people are bored of a topic but most of the time I don't notice. If this happens and you 100% do not want to talk about this particular subject at all or any more then try to change the subject in a subtle way. If the individual is HF then it'll be easier to do so, but if the person is LF then you'll probably be stuck with that subject. Whatever you do, don't yell or belittle anyone for their special interests. Special interests are important to us and we like talking about them.

Thank you for reading down so long, it means a lot to me and to everyone else on the spectrum that you learn about ASD. There is too many misconceptions about autism that I'll make a whole chapter dedicated to it.