Life with A.S.D (Autism Spectrum Disorder)

Chapter Two ~ School Life

My school life at first was very hard, as I wasn't diagnosed professionally until 14. Apparently everyone suspected Autism, especially since it runs in my family, but since I wasn't diagnosed that meant I couldn't receive any help I needed to succeed. This made me stand out in a bad way. My test scores were lower then everyone else's. I had to work extremely hard to get 40%. I remember days were I would spend hours looking up study methods and practicing them as my days in primary school came to a close. This was because my brain learns differently to everyone else, I didn't know this at the time.

I was aware that secondary school would be extremely hard, so this put a lot of stress on me. My last year of primary was the hardest. I began to have meltdowns way more regularly then before. They were almost a daily thing because of the stress I was putting myself under.

That was on,y the academic side of things.

My social life wasn't any better then my academic life. As a person with undiagnosed ASD at the time, I struggled with people and making friends as I was never taught how to. I would try to copy others. I have very sad memories of myself attempting to copy fashion, makeup, hobbies and more. It never worked. Makeup feels weird in my face so I never wear it, my fashion is not only for fashion because I wear specific clothing that makes me feel safe and my hobbies are my special interests. I can't just change my special interest.

Side note: special interests are interests taken on by people with ASD to an unhealthy level of obsession. Usually people with ASD will talk about their special interest(s) constantly and can go on four hours. People with ASD lack the ability to see when people are not interested in talking. This can be a social issue.

As you can probably guess, I wasn't popular. No matter how hard I tried to fit in, I just couldn't. This made me feel sad because I felt like I wasn't good enough. This led to some confidence issues in my childhood that I unfortunately still have to this day. At the time, I was a chubby little kid with no social skills and (in my eyes) extremely dumb. By the time I was ten years old, I had given up on people.

Now, this is where my special interest comes in. Honestly, if I never found out about sports or if sports never existed I would not survive in this world. Sports and fitness are my main focus in life. My life is centred around getting on my country's olympic team. I discovered this at eleven years old.

My main priority is combat sports. Hitting things got my frustrations and angers out. I eventually used my anger against my opponents when I fought. This helped me a lot and helped me achieve many awards. I like to think of myself as a living example that not all ASD kids go on to need full time care their entire life. We're here, we exist and we can make a mar in this world. Our struggles make us more grateful of our achievements.

Now, back to my child self. If you met me back then, you would describe me as shy or not very out going or even introverted. Thats very true even to this day. Describing how I saw everyone else is extremely hard, not only because it's difficult to explain but because it makes me emotional. I remember how sad I was that I couldn't make and keep a friend. I remember crying about it a few times throughout my mid and late childhood.

The world was more intense for me. I felt a lot more pressure to be normal at such a young age. Back then it was like tying to speak to an animal. I couldn't understand anyone!

To you, however, childhood was probably the best time of your life if you grew up nerutypical in a healthy environment. You probably made friends easy and didn't care for a lot of things. Life wasn't like that for me and for so many other ASD people. Friends was a struggle. School was a struggle. Everything was a struggle. Especially as an undiagnosed girl in a less then understanding environment. My family may have knew what autism was, but many others in my hometown do not. To them, me not being social was me not trying and my struggles were me being lazy and my meltdowns were me being spoiled.

Please, if you see a child having a meltdown, don't automatically assume their spoiled. Some conditions you can't see with your naked eye. Don't let another child grow up feeling like an alien. Be kind to others, especially those who need that extra hand.

This chapter was more personal to me. Not everyone had a rough start in school (Just want to clear it up that my home life was perfectly fine, my school life was the problem) and not everyone had the same experiences as me, but I'm here to say that bad experiences can and do happen. Please look out for the signs of bullying and look out for any child that you know or think is experiencing any type of mental condition.