Book of Mormon Oneshots

Self Pain(𝙼𝚌𝙿𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚕𝚎𝚢)

SELF HARM/DEPRESSION WARNING PLEASE DON'T READ FURTHER IF YOUR TRIGGERED BY THESE THINGS I WANT YOU GUYS TO BE OKAY 🧡
👉🏻👈🏻

~~~

A tiny wet spot darkened the light grey fabric of the bedsheet, the first of the many that came to follow it. The blankets and pillows were thrown off of the bed, the only thing left is a dark figure weeping onto it, clad in mormon clothing.

It was Connor, or McKinley as he was more commonly known. His whole body shook violently as he cried, thoughts swirling with doubt, anger, sadness, and fear, taking control of his body. It was nighttime, Thomas and the other mormon missionaries would have been fast asleep by then. Even Arnold, who liked to stay awake watching star wars and eating Thomas's poptarts in his mormon undergarments.

'No one cares about you, Connor. Your only purpose is to be a mormon. To spread Mormonism around uganda. All you do is hold everyone else back...why are you even still here? No, I know why, because you're too much of a coward to end it. Get over it, you pathetic weirdo. Imagine how happy Thomas would be without you. How happy Price would be without you interfering with his mission. You have brung shame upon the church, be glad that you got excommunicated'

He gave a sharp gasp after the last person ran through his thoughts. Kevin had always hated him. It was clear by the way he looked at him, he hated it. He hated the look in his eyes, the look of disappointment, looking at him as if his whole existence was a mistake...he couldn't take this anymore.He hated how he can't turn off these feelings for the certain brunette.

McKinley got off of the bed almost like a zombie, feet moving but barely processing it. He was too busy feeding himself dark horrible thoughts about being gay, staining his hoodie with tears. Before he knew it he was in the kitchen. He went to the familiar spot, pulling the knife out of the drawer. He rolled up his sleeves to see his arms littered with the dark marks. Luckily nobody asked why he wore long sleeved shirts instead of short ones, he's gotten used the heat in them.

'Look at how hideous you are. They could never love you. Especially not Kevin. He wouldn't ever date a man that's a Sin. Never'

He felt overwhelmed holding the knife, thoughts swirled around his head...'Do it connor, no one would care if they found you dead on the floor'

Just as he was about to press the knife of his skin, he felt the knife get ripped out of his hand and hearing it clatter onto the counter. When he met eyes with Elder Price, shame and fear started to wash over him.

"Connor, why...why would you do this to yourself?"

He couldn't look at him, just letting the tears fall as he stood there staring at the wooden floor(which of course is covered in poptarts crumbs). When he finally worked up the courage, his voice was soft. "Because nobody would want me. Not you, not anyone. I'm Gay...it's a sin Kevin, I shouldn't be like this but i am."

"Con, stop it. Look at me...look at me please."

When he finally did, kevin was surprised to see him crying and shrank down a bit when Price reached up to his cheek to gently hold it. "I don't hate you. No one does. We love you. Even though sometimes you get gay thoughts and sometimes act on them a bit, we all do. I'm certainly not perfect, no matter how hard I try to be..."

McKinley started to shake and take deep breaths again,"You're just saying that because you feel bad and-"

"No. I'm not. Con, I care about you. Granted...I have done a horrible job of showing it, and if anyone has failed here, it's me. I was too caught up in my ego to tell you how much I care about you. Please don't hurt yourself anymore...it hurts to see you do that to yourself..."