The house had been in Matthew's family for a long time. I loved going there, as it was full of relics from times long past.
Once, we found a large box of old newspapers in the basement. It was crazy to read about the state of the world on the 21rst of March, 1963.
Matthew had been my best friend for a long time but recently my feelings towards him had changed. I had been processing this fact for awhile now and became increasingly worried about what would happen if I told him?
I decided to be practical and come out to him first. Then, depending on his reaction, I would confess the rest.
It was almost Christmas and I was helping Matthew to get the box of ornaments from the attic. He had insisted that he knew exactly where they were but we ended up searching through half a dozen boxes.
During the search, I found toy cars, an old Kodak camera, a VCR player with a cable remote and a box full of Matthew's baby clothes.
When we finally found the ornaments, it was getting quite late so Matthew convinced his parents to let me stay for dinner.
His mom never stopped talking about how Climate Change was the most significant topic of the century and that if the idiots in power didn't start paying attention, they were going to doom us all.
My parents thought the entire topic was yet another tool for political scaremongering but I didn't dare tell her that.
Nobody had paid attention to the snow, until my mother called to ask when I was planning to come home.
Matthew's dad thought it would be best if I stayed the night. I was so happy that I wanted to hug him. I hadn't slept in this house for years.
Matthew insisted on making an event out of it and asked if we could stay on the pull-out sofa in the den. His enthusiasm for a movie night with hot chocolate and marshmallows was contagious.
I followed my best friend up to his room, so we could change into pyjamas. For him that meant a T-shirt and boxers but he offered me a pair of long jogging pants against the cold.
I desperately tried not to look as he pulled off his sweater and stripped out of his jeans. I wondered how, or rather when, I had started to see his athletic body in a new light.
Thoughts rushed through my head of touching his bare skin, feeling it react to my caress. I imagined how...
Without warning, Matthew yanked down his underwear and threw them overhand into a laundry basket in the corner of his room.
I realized that he was following a routine that didn't change because of my presence. My excitement at seeing him fully naked, was quickly overshadowed by a deep feeling of dread.
Was I betraying his trust by looking at him like this? Was I taking advantage of my access to him?
I had to tell him!
We crawled under the covers like twelve year olds on a sleepover. Ofcourse, he chose a horror movie. It was so scary, that one of the scenes almost made me spill my hot chocolate.
Matthew's parents wished us a good night and retreated to their second floor bedroom.
It was just the two of us in a dark den with a glowing TV. We finally had some privacy to talk but I was shaking on the inside at the thought.
Before I could manage to formulate my thoughts, Matthew gave me a devious look and switched the channel. He had muted the volume, so we couldn't hear the naked woman's moaning.
Without uttering a word, he pushed down the covers and let his hardon pop out of his underwear. The woman on the TV made him very excited and he had me almost losing my mind.
Once again, the dread sunk in. He surely thought that I was like him. He probably assumed that the woman on TV was what I wanted too.
He had to know!
He was my best friend and that was far more important that anything else right now.
"Matthew, I am gay!" There, I finally said it.
I expected an explosion but instead, he put his dick back in his pants and switched off the TV.
"I know," he said quietly. "Or rather, I have suspected for awhile."
I blinked at him stupidly, I was at a total loss for words.
"I have been trying to provoke you into confessing all night," he said, wearing a stupid grin.
"What..."
"I didn't want to steal your moment," he said, grabbing my hand. The touch was nice but I still didn't know where I stood.
"My moment?" I asked, scrunching my eyebrows.
"If I were gay, I would want to be the one that told you," he said with calm compassion.
My heart sank at his admission. My ethereal hopes of being more than his friend instantly evaporated. I still felt like I needed to tell him the next part, even if it would end it all.
"Matthew, I have always told you everything but I have been struggling to tell you this," I breathed.
"Why?" he said, "It's me, dude."
"I know, that's precisely the problem! This isn't about me liking guys, it is about the guy I like." At this point, I was shaking. He was still holding my hand and could clearly feel it.
He hadn't been prepared for this one. His expression changed a number of times as he processed.
It was finally over, wasn't it?
"I am so sorry," he said, grabbing my other hand. "I have been torturing you this whole time, haven't I?"
Wow! I couldn't have said it better myself, eventhough I had continuously been taking all the blame.
"What can I do to make it right?" he asked.
This was way more empathy than I could ever have expected. The swirl of emotions and my raging heart had made my mind numb.
"Can I still be your friend?" I asked.
"Ofcourse, you idiot!" he mock scolded. "Did you think I'd let you go that easily? Now that I know your type, I will have to go on an epic quest to find you a boyfriend as strikingly handsome as me!"
Relief crashed in like waves. I had been so tense that I wanted to cry. He hugged me tight and whispered in my ear, "I was totally up for some boy on boy experimentation but I could never break your heart, buddy!"
Fuck!
END
