Fuck, fuck, triple fuck! Could my day get any worse?
A gust of strong wind had blown my brand new Balenciaga hat into traffic and some fuck head in a yellow Tesla drove over it. I mean why would anyone buy a top-tier EV in yellow?! Yuck! Double yuck!
Did I mention that I also got dumped by my latest boyfriend?! Yeah, that sucked ass... and not in a good way.
Whenever I got my heart stomped on, I immediately needed ice cream. I'd seen a new place three blocks down from my apartment that was supposed to be good but it had already cost me a designer hat, so...
Oh, cute! And I wasn't talking about the ice cream. Was he the owner?
"I'm sorry, we're closed," he said, staring at the cash register.
"But the door's still open," I purred. This Kitty wanted to make a good impression on the pretty ice cream man.
He looked up from what he was doing and his eyebrows lifted for a second. I often had that effect on people, they didn't quite know how to react to my... non-conformity.
"I'd gladly serve you but all I have left is vanilla."
"There's nothing wrong with plain old vanilla," I said with a coy smile.
He immediately realized his mistake and laughed a warm laugh. Then he put two scoops into a fancy cup and added a sparkly plastic spoon.
"On the house."
My brain scrambled for more innuendo but drew a complete blank. Instead, I said, "How long have you been open?"
"About three months," he said.
That's when I put the glittery spoon in my mouth and... holy fucking shit! This was hands down the best ice cream I'd ever had and I was an expert.
"Please don't ever call this 'just vanilla' again," I said. "This is heaven in a cup!"
He blushed at the compliment.
"Wait, I need to tell my followers about this," I said.
I snapped a pic of the cup, then captioned, hash-tagged, and posted it. People just had to know about this place, OMFG! Hang on, let me add it to my story as well.
"What did you just do?" he asked, looking at me with a smile that could light a room.
"People deserve to know about this divinity," I said. "What's your secret?"
"Nothing special," he replied. "I just make it myself with all-natural ingredients from my family's farm upstate."
There was something utterly disarming about him that I didn't quite know what to do with.
"How did you find out about my humble establishment?" he asked.
Only now did I realize that the massive sign on the door really did show "closed".
"To be honest, I just needed ice cream after the fucked up day I had," I said.
"Work or a breakup?" he asked, stepping out from behind the counter and inviting me to sit at one of the two tables.
"Break up," I admitted with a sigh. Why was I telling him the truth?
"I'm sorry." He looked like he meant it.
"Don't be," I said before giving him a quick overview of what happened.
Ted had proved to be a two-faced whore. Apparently, I was not only his sugar daddy but also in an open relationship without knowing it.
