why is it that i'm holding myself back?

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why is it
that anytime i try to do
something important,
my heart starts to race,
my breathing becomes rough,
my knuckles start to crack,
and my eyes become frantic?

why is it
that even though i try
to move forward,
my fingers won't type,
my legs won't move,
my body becomes impulsive,
and my mind becomes tangled.

why is it
that my brain has
become so hopelessly useless?
my brain becomes fearful,
my brain becomes panicked,
my brain becomes distraught,
my brain becomes devastated.

why is it
that i'm holding myself back?
my brain swallows me whole
and leaves behind someone i don't know.
and i wish i could ease this raging panic 
that maybe i won't ever know.

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