it's now!

chapter 11

"Sit" I hear Tessa say and to be honest, now I'm getting scared of what she has to tell me and prepare myself for the worst in my head, even though, what could Tay possibly do to make me not like him anymore?

Tessa starts walking towards the kitchen, grabs two water bottles and comes to sit next to me on the couch. She hands me the bottle and that only shows me that she plans on staying on this couch for quite some time.

"Tess, please make this quick, I have a shift today and I'm literally still in my Pj's" I sigh because frankly, she pissed me off with her phone call after I was having such a good day.

"Madison, I love you. Because I love you, I want the best for you. I don't know if Tay is that for you. Madison he doesn't talk, he doesn't bring people over at his apartment ever, even doubt he has friends. He literally doesn't drive, like who the fuck doesn't drive now days? And if that's not enough to ask yourself if he is mentally healthy, he sleeps around. Maddie I know you don't want to hear this, but he fucks around. And it's always someone else, meaning, it doesn't mean anything to him. That's why I was scared when I thought you slept with him, I couldn't help myself but to think about Parker and how traumatized you were after that. Now, I understand that you didn't know any of this because you wouldn't be in his apartment today if you knew, so It has to be a lot -" After patiently waiting for her to stop literally trashing my boyfriend or waiting for her to say something that would actually make me unlike Tay I cut her off because I had enough.

"I knew it Tessa. I know everything you just told me, except you got it all wrong. I didn't just go over to his house and started dating him. We talked so much ever since the first day I stepped in this building. So, sorry to disappoint you but he speaks. I will try and tell you as little stuff as I can because he told them to me in private. He doesn't talk because he had to build some defense mechanism when his dad left him to live alone at that apartment, a mont after his mother killed herself. He was 16 Tessa. 16! He has friends, actually more then me, I like to think of them as my friends too because I really like them. I think that Tay, Ryan, Noah, Aria, Thea, Chris and me form a beautiful group of friends if I might add. He knows how to drive, he just doesn't like it and there's nothing wrong with it, we both know that there are more things I'm afraid of then not. And he doesn't sleep around anymore. He told me everything about the girls, the meaningless sex, the habit of feeling like there's nothing more to it. But then after he fucking spilled all his life at me and he saw I didn't run, he told me he liked me. I went to his apartment yesterday, I clearly told him all about how I don't want to even kiss him if he thinks of me as just a number. Now we're in a fucking relationship. Why can't you just be happy for me Tessa? Why? You should because I didn't feel this happy in hell of a long time."

After telling Tessa everything I was comfortable sharing, I pant as I gasp for breath, thanking God for Tessa giving me the water. I know I may have sounded a little harsh but hearing her say all those nasty words about someone who I really do care about made me angry.

"I'm sorry Maddie, I assumed that you don't know anything about him, but I guess I don't." I can see the guilt in her eyes so I just sigh and calm myself down.

"It's okay Tessa, you were just trying to protect me, but I know him and he knows me."

"But, does he Maddie? Does he really?" Tessa is the only person in this world beside Damie that knows everything about me. Jen and Gabe know a lot, but they don't know that I relapsed this summer. Tessa and Damie do because they were with me, but even they don't know that I've been hurting myself again lately.

"He knows enough Tess. He know about me being ill, about me almost dying and about mom, he knows everything I could have told him at the time, I trust him, but I'm not ready to tell him one hundred percent just yet, I have to make sure that I don't scare him away." I can see that her look softened and that she believes me. I actually don't know what I would do without her.