Reject (mxm)

Chapter Twenty-Six: Ruari

"I'm sorry sweetheart but a locked door would not stop your mate from seeking you out, not this time." I said honestly. Unless Bran agrees to be chained and locked in the cells for the full moon nothing would hold him off aside from a shot of silver in his system and that could very well kill him. "I wouldn't be much help in keeping him away since I'd have my own urges to deal with."

It's been five years since I found out Ciaran is my mate. I may have more restraint and have enough experience in curbing my desires but this would be the first time I'd be experiencing the full moon with him in the general vicinity. I've been away from him during the past full moons but I seriously don't know what would happen now that we're in close proximity of each other.

With the moon at its peak, it's hard for werewolves to ignore its call. Mated wolves have it rough because we seek out our mates, our other halves, and no one would be able to satisfy the craving but them. Sometimes the impulse is too great it becomes unbearably painful. That's is the reason why some wolves choose to slake their appetites with another when they can't have their mate.

Bran would have a very tough time resisting the urge to be with Jean and I don't want Jean to be trapped in a situation she's not sure of out of sheer bullheadedness. If she's uncertain of Bran it's best to keep away from each other for now.

"Fine," she sighed. "But what would you do?"

"I'd think of something," I answered and this time it was me who purposely looked away from her.

I could already feel the pull but I don't have to tell her that. Jean's like a dog when it comes to these things. She could be very insistent and she wouldn't give in until I relent.

A heavy weight settled on my chest and I couldn't shake off the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

What had Ciaran been doing during the past full moons? He had relationships and affairs before. With his status, good looks and rocking body women flock to him like annoying little flies. I've heard stories of his conquests before but they didn't bother me until I found out he's my mate.

I've been gone for five years. There have been dozens of full moons during those long years. Even if I saved myself for him, I can't expect Ciaran to do the same. And I know well enough how hard and how painful it is to go against your primal instinct. It's not something that anyone would be able to do or would be willing to do.

"Ruari?" Jean said rounding the table and putting a hand over my shoulder.

I guess some of my thoughts were showing on my face.

"It's fine," I choked out swallowing the lump in my throat. "I'm alright."

Jean wanted to talk more but Prior came in and asked if they were ready to go. Jean wanted to cancel the outing but to be completely truthful I wanted to be alone for a while. She's too much of a distraction and right now I need her away from me for a few hours.

After a few minutes of fussing and arguing, I managed to push them out of the door, bid them a good day, and then they were gone.

I looked around the empty space before me and sighed. I can't wallow on self-pity and misery forever. I was about to lose myself in the computer screens and files about the raids waiting in my room when someone knocked on the door.

"Jean, for god's sake, I'd be fine on my own for a few hours! You can..." the rest of my tirade was cut off when I saw who was standing by the doorway. "Sorry, I thought you were Jean."

"It's okay," Lorcan answered. "I saw Prior dragging her away with Cale. I'm guessing she didn't want to leave?"

"She worries too much," I explained, motioning for him to follow me. "But that's just Jean's way of taking care of me."