Riverside Bench

Prison Visit

It was a cold, musty smell. The bed stunk of old inmates. The prison was a reminder of guilt every day. Calim rose as the guard blew his morning whistle. "Shower time", he shouted. Calim followed the crowd of broken souls. He turned on the shower, the water seemed to run away from him. Nobody wanted to be near him. These inmates they'd kill him because he was a walking label. His label was a murderer and an overall horrible person. 

The buff guard called Calim out to the visiting room. Calim dragged his head down all the way there. The handcuffs pulled him down. He sat down and grabbed the phone. Through the glass, a familiar face grew anxious. 

"Mark, what are you doing here."

Mark peered Calim a smirk. "Visiting my brother."

Calim snuck a laugh. "I'm sorry."

"It's hard to look at the person who killed your daughters, especially when it's you."

Calim put his head down. "How can you even look at me."

He started at Calim with a bloody look. "I'm sorry, brother."

Calim stared into Mark's eyes again, "How can you call me brother. I abandoned you, killed your kids, ruined your life."

Mark licked his lips, "I am not sorry, I changed my mind. You know Calim, this was a goodbye. Enjoy the cell. Try not to get yourself killed." 

"Wait!" 

He stared at Calim with anger, "Last words."

"Goodbye, brother. I am sorry."

Mark dropped the phone and turned his back, as he walked away. Calim secretly hoped he'd turn around. But he left. 

Forever.

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Alan sat at the willow tree. The fabled willow tree, the one where he sat at with his wife, and with Jessie with Calvin. He took a deep breath, the windswept through the puzzled branches. The willow tree was in the center of the graveyard. Usually, the graveyard was an unpleasant place to be in. But Alan found silent peace there. Sitting by his wife's grave and Jessie's grave, talking to them while he leaned on the tree. He didn't know if they heard him, but he had a feeling they could feel him. Alan looked the teddy bear on his daughter's grave, it was a burden. A horrible reminder, not a memory. He grabbed the teddy bear and put it in the little nook in the tree. 

He built up the courage to visit the hospital. As he walked into the hospital, he remembered the sound of the bullets. They flew like rapid eagles, flying in all directions. He could see the bullet holes in the walls. 

Amelia lay in her hospital bed. Not sure if she's sane. Not sure if she's alive, or if this is all a nightmare. She was scared. She had no family left. She had no heart left. Suddenly, Alan sat by her. She grew of fear. Guilt. She was too weak to move. 

He saw her face. Her pale skin, her messy hair. She looked peaceful, but whenever he sees her, he remembers her evil. He remembers Calim.

She tried to speak. Instead, she put her hand on the edge of the bed. Alan took her hand. He grabbed her soft hand and smiled. 

"I'm sorry." Amelia softly spoke.

"I'm trying to find peace with not only myself but with you too."

Amelia weakly nodded, "Let me tell you my story, from the start."

Alan nodded, "Let me hear it. I don't want you to go to jail, and I have a feeling it's not your fault."

Amelia took a deep breath. "It all started when my mom died. My dad went crazy, he became different. More anxious, scared. He would punch me, beat me up. I was just a kid, eleven years old. He'd get so mad that I was scared he would kill me. Then, after being in the asylum for two years, he escaped. He kidnapped Clara and me from the orphanage. Hid us in the basement of his friend's barbershop. When Clara was nineteen she moved away, then later she found a husband. My dad got in trouble, bad trouble. I'm talking gangs. He owed them money. So, he used me to pay off his debt. Forced me to get three jobs. Then, he threatened to kill me and Clara. So, I was forced to become who I am."

Alan grabbed her hand harder, as she shivered in fear and cried. 

"My dad is dangerous. Unstable. Untrust-worthy. I didn't do one of his jobs. So, he killed Jessie. In front of me. He made me watch. I was selfish, but I did it for Clara. Now she's gone. I loved Jessie, my friend, and my cousin.  Then, he forced me. To kill Mia. But I couldn't do it. So he killed my friend, and then Mia. I'm sorry."

"It sounds like your dad got what he deserves. How about this. It sounds like you are similar to me. How about we go to yoga class when you get out of the hospital."

Amelia hugged Alan, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?"

"You stay so positive."

"It's just we judge people so quickly. I wanted to hear your story before I get mad."

Alan walked out of the hospital feeling quite happy. He made peace with Amelia. Now he has to make peace with himself.

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It was late at night. The stars were the spotlight of the sky. Alan stared the stars and cuddled up next Calvin, who had fallen asleep on his lap. Suddenly, a knock came from the door. "Who is it?", Alan softly said. "It's Sam." 

Sam sat in the kitchen with Alan. "Sorry for barging in this late. But I want to catch up."

Alan smiled, "Well, I'm doing just fine."

Sam smirked, "You just solved a murder case, and you seem unhappy."

"I'm just so unsure of myself. I don't know how to feel. I just don't feel that feeling of justice yet."

"I think you need to find peace with yourself. Justice with yourself."

He hadn't thought of that. How could he be at peace with himself, if he didn't have justice? He wondered how he would ever substitute the feeling of guilt.