Her Vocation

15. The Confession

"Even so Samra—Isn't this so bold of her parents? For both of them to be living under the same roof—Why did they send her here, anyways? " I was at the top of the stairs when my feet stopped on hearing her words.

"I am fully confident about my Naveed. He is a very sensible child. Didn't I tell you he's already helping Suleiman at the company even though he is only in his second year of bachelors—Anyways, who cares about these things anymore? We are living in a modern society. But, for the sake of propriety, we are thinking of doing the Nikah after Aasiya's result for A-Level's come out—" Auntie went on without any care, while I stood on top of the stairs trembling with rage before lunging for my room.

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"Aasiya! Let's go—" Navi yelled, barging into my room unannounced. I didn't move an inch from my curled position on the bed.

"What's wrong Princess? Did your exam not go well? Hey—" He inquired slowly, coming to sit beside me and caressed my hair.  I didn't look up and hid my face in my arms.

"Hey. What is it—? It couldn't have been that bad. I am sure you're overthinking—" He continued gently while prying my hands off of my face. But his words had hit a sore spot and I got up shoving him off of me.

"Is that right?! What the hell do you think you know about me! Huh?! Nothing—! Okay?! You know nothing!! So why don't you get the hell—-!" I yelled and yelled with tears in my eyes and would have continued if he didn't pull me roughly to his face by grabbing at the front of my shirt. I would have winced in pain if I didn't see the rage burning in his eyes. Moments passed but he said nothing. Only kept glaring at me furiously.

"Enough." He finally voiced in a low voice glazed with constricted fury. I felt a gasp leave my lips followed by a sob as I gawked him through quivering lips. Just that instant he loosened his hold and pulled me to his chest with a jerk. I don't know if it was because of fear or the delusion of sanctuary of his embrace but it barely took me a moment to lose my sobs in his strong arms.

"It's alright. It's going to be okay." He murmured soothingly, into my ears and caressing circles on my back, but even his gentle words had stopped working it's magic.

'Its not—it never will be—'

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"So? What happened?" Navi asked carelessly while eating his icecream.

"Nothing." I returned blankly without looking up and continued to eat my icecream. I could feel his eyes burning holes into my side but chose to ignore it. A stupid mistake.

"Did Mom say something?" He inquired calmly but I felt my heart skip a beat. There's no way I could tell him the truth. Unconsciously, I was always afraid that my worst fears would come true, if I ever were to ask him directly.

"About?" I asked instead, trying to dodge him but my voice came out hoarse. I could feel my heart rate picking up when I felt him turning to me slowly.

"You don't trust me, Princess—" It wasn't a question. I could do nothing but turn to him in return. His face was cold and inscrutable and like always it made me want to run away and hide in a corner. I hated to admit it but Navi scared me and that fact made me despise him.

Before I could say anything, he moved his face close to mine. Closer—until it was only inches away and I could feel his warm minty breath on my heated skin. His eyes flickered down from mine and I flinched from the sensation of his gentle brush of thumb against my lower lip.

"Ice cream." He murmured against my lips, his eyes flicking back to mine. I sat there gaping at him wide eyed, who calmly jumped down from the hood of his car. I sat frozen in my place, watching him dust off his pants, until he turned around to face me. His blank stare took in my haggard state for only a moment, before he came close and wrapped his arms around my waist.

"Let's go. It's getting late." He remarked slowly, holding my gaze for a moment longer before pulling me down. His hands lingered on my waist for another moment before letting go and turning towards the door.

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I kept staring at the ceiling, thinking about the events of today. I couldn't get him out of my mind. I knew what he was thinking—his intentions had been crystal clear for a long while now. But the only feelings that Navi could inspire in me were of fear—that and pity. There was no room for anything else.

The worst of it all was how powerless he made me feel at times; deliberately, like today. Only to remind me how much I am at his mercy and what he could do to me, if I ever tried to resist or defy him.

Just then, I recalled Auntie's words from this morning and sat up with a jolt. It wasn't my first time hearing this. But it angered me that my parents had these intentions for sending me here. It only made me hate them more.

I was so ignorant. Like an idiot, I was happily assuming they had sent me here for my sake. And when my Mom first revealed to me about this arrangement, last month; I couldn't believe it. Since then, I have been protesting against it, but no one is ready to hear my pleads.

If my parents were bad, then Navi's were the worst.

Mine, only went as far as ignoring my existence or using it for their means. It was a family in name only—Mom had left us to the Nanny to bring up while she kept busy with her social life. Dad never showed interest in what went on with the house. His life revolved around his business meetings and work, which seemed to sit fine with my mother; as long as he kept providing for her needs.

But Navi's family was different. His mother had suffered at the hands of his drunk, abusive and inhumane father for as long as he remembered. He had no choice but to silently accept his fate—though, not without it changing him.

I did feel bad for him and I knew there was a part of him that wanted to escape from the clutches of his Father's brutality. However that part was negligible, in comparison to the part that believed he needed to get more ruthless and more savage to outdo his Father. He honestly and completely was oblivious to the fact that he was turning into the very vicious monster that he hated.

I couldn't believe there was any hope for change in someone who didn't consider anything wrong with himself in the first place. I knew, if I stayed here any longer then I'll get pulled into this mess too. I can't let my life get any worse than it already is. There has to be a way out—-

My thoughts were interrupted when the door banged open and a drunk Navi stumbled in. I gaped at him horrified, as he fell over his feet; face flat on the carpeted floor. With a shriek, I ran upto him.

"Ohhhhhhh!! Hiiii Prinnnncessss—" He slurred, looking up from my lap where I had rested his head. His breath stank of alcohol and I barely caught myself from retching.

"Navi—! What—!" I took his face in my hands, unable to contain my disgust. He only grinned at me sheepishly, his face flushed.

"—I fought—with him—that—" He snickered and unable to hold his own weight he dropped his head on my lap. I gawked him in shock. It wasn't the first time this had happened in the past 2 years. Everytime after fighting with his Dad, he would come to me drunk.

"I—hate him—I swear—I'll kill him—" He murmured in my lap and I turned away trembling in anger.

"Navi—get up—" I tried to pull him up but he pushed me down by wrapping his hands around my waist. Before I could yell at him, I heard a whimper followed by his head shaking in my lap. His hold grew tighter on my waist.

"—I hate him—every—one—" His voice cracked with tears and despite myself, I felt my heart breaking for him.

"Navi—" I blurted; gingerly extending my hand to stroke the top of his head.

"I hate them—all—but—but—I love you—Aasiya—I love you more than—-Anything—-I love you—so much——so why—-why do you—-hate me—too—" My hand ceased motion midway. It wasn't just his words that broke my heart. The fact that the pain in them wasn't foreign to me was the only reason, that I was able to wrap my arms around his back and dropped my head on his; in attempts to coax his breaking heart.

"I don't hate you Navi—I don't—"

I knew for a fact that my lies would hurt him more than my truth. But truth was painful and lies demanded a price to be paid. Always.

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