Phantom Chained

Chapter 31. The story of Clara's life, as told by herself.

Looking back at my life journey and the events that moulded it, I have come to understand that people's freedom and actions give them a false sense of control over their destiny. For me, they are just laying the groundwork for a favourable playing field during the appearance of the Chance Almighty that will, in a fraction of a second, change the smooth and supposedly controllable flow of life.

There was nothing in the first weeks of my life that could have foretold of the coming calamities. My parents were not exactly wealthy but they were respected among the townsfolk. Papá was an office worker for the government and was on good terms with everyone. Mamá was the headmistress of a school and still found time to care for our family which consisted of myself, my two elder sisters and a few elderly relatives.

However, when I was a wee babe, no older than three months, something truly terrible has transpired! As Mamá told me, it was a fine spring day when the pleasant scent of nature implored her to leave me at the clearing in front of the house with her mother-in-law watching me. I suppose the old lady decided to take a short nap by the crib, as only the maid that happened to be walking by heard my weak cries and hurried to check up on me.

A horrifying picture was painted before her eyes! She asserted that right by the negligent crone, who was sound asleep, was some sort of beast reminiscent of a gigantic badger, which had its bloody mouth right above my cradle! The maid tried to tackle the angry creature but it managed to sink its teeth into me before quickly fleeing into the forest.

I was supposed to perish. There was no chance for my bloody, mangled body to survive but Mamá's and Papá's desperation brought forth a miracle: I was immediately brought to the town hospital where, by the Chance Almighty, a clinical professor from the capital was on a rare visit and took a keen interest in my misfortune, doing everything in his power to save my life.

Years later, when my brain recognised how hideous I was, I spent nearly every night cursing the professor, weeping into my pillow. To better his fame and medical career, he doomed me to an eternity of suffering from turning me into a person... no, worse; a woman with no face! I am not exaggerating; You cannot call something a face when the hideous scars cause it to more resemble the inside of a walnut. The beast devoured my nose and upper lip, and I lost my right eye and ear in the process. I was an abomination!

Many a time I gazed longingly at Mamá and my beautifully maturing sisters, dreaming of how I would have looked like. I had gorgeous golden hair, and my figure became plump and woman-like with age, however that only brought me greater suffering. I saw myself as an Egyptian deity, having a perfect body but the head of an animal. And even though my family surrounded me in gentle sympathy and utmost care, the only thing that held me back from leaping off a cliff was the fear of eternal damnation and hellfire.

The same dogmas of Christianity, however, prevented a number of poor decisions on my part. Sister Martha from the neighbouring monastery taught me how to read and write, along with other basic subjects needed for a young postulant. From a very young age, I knew that I would find shelter and solace inside the monastery, its thick walls protecting me from the evil and derisive outside world.

Sister Martha has taught me embroidery, and it is thanks to her that I found my passion. Deprived of my natural charm, I instead cherished the beauty all around me, baffled by how people can just pay no mind to it! From under my thick veil, I hungrily studied the faces of fair maidens and observed the energetic movements of male bodies, absorbing any and every display of harmony and aesthetics. There is a possibility that I could have become a decent artist, however any attempts to recreate my inspirations came to a halt in the first stages of their creation. On top of that, I felt guilty and embarrassed when drawing people as my mind saw it as something indecent or even sinful.