Terror

Have you lost the same things I have lost?

Do you know that panic I know?

And would I see the terror in your face?

Do you know that fever I know?

I really don't know if she has lost same things I have. I've lost all my friends, my family. She's the only one left; and now she's leaving.

I'm in panic right now. I don't know what I will do when she leaves, I don't know what will I have. What if I'll never see her again? What if I can't do it here without her? The list of "what if?" questions is endless.

And what if I lose her, not only knowing I'll never see her again, but knowing she did it? What if she does a suicide? I know she has been having suicidal thoughts lately. What if I can't see the terror in her eyes through a video call, and she'll do it?

I feel like I'll get fever soon of all of these "what if's" and thinking. I know it's selfish, but I hope she knows how I feel, I hope she feels this same misery.

I can't do anything but hope everything'll get better.