Chapter 28- I'm Back

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I didn’t know it was possible for a heart to break like this. When I broke up with Dylan it hurt, but it was nothing like this. That was a paper-cut compared to what this feels like. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I know I’ve lost weight. It’s been a month, 30 days to be exact, since I have been myself, since I’ve talked to Ethan. I’m not me anymore.

To put it simply, I am a ghost of my formal self. A shell of what I used to be. I just don’t have the energy or the will-power to do anything for myself. I feel useless, broken beyond repair. I don’t care about what I look like. I don’t bother with dressing up, or dressing decent. I just don’t care.

Every time that I wake up and decide that I’m going to pull myself out of this self-loathing I get to school and I see Ethan and the pain in his eyes, I fall back into the pit. It never fails…

This morning is no exception, my alarm goes off, and I groan as I reach my hand over to turn it off. I roll out of bed, and I walk into my bathroom. I turn the shower on as hot as I can stand it, and get in and stand under it. I’m hoping it will work some magic, and wash some of the guilt and pain away….it doesn’t.

I get out, dry off, and wrap a towel around my hair and one around my body. I walk into my bedroom, and over to my dresser. I pull on a pair of sweatpants and the first shirt I lay my hands on. I walk back into the bathroom, and I dry my hair a little before I throw my hair into a ponytail. I don’t even put on any make-up before I walk downstairs.

I still have over 1 ½ hours left to get ready, but I just don’t feel like it. I make it to the kitchen, and I try to put a smile on my face for my mom. She looks at me and I know she can see through the fake smile. She doesn’t say anything like I knew she would. She just looks at my sweat pants, and I watch her frown.

“Is that what you’re wearing to school today?” She asks and I look down at my outfit, if you can call it that.

“Yeah,” I tell her shrugging my shoulders. I sit down at the table, at the same time the doorbell rings. I look up at her, her surprised face mirrors my own. “Who would be ringing the doorbell this early?” I ask getting up and walking to the front door. I open the door, just to have a bag thrown in my face.

“I don’t know what you’re wearing, but whatever it is you’re not wearing it.” I hear Rae tell me, as I pull the bag out of my face.

“What are you talking about? What is this Rae?” I ask, looking into the bag.

“It’s clothes that you are going to go upstairs and put on.” She tells me, crossing her arms across her chest. I groan as I pass the bag back to her.

“I have clothes.” I tell her, glaring at her. “In fact I’m wearing clothes.” She looks at me, and narrows her eyes, looking me up and down.

“That,” She tells me, gesturing with her hand, “Is not, and will never be considered clothes. Now go and change.” I stand there and look at her, I watch as her eyes change and I can see the sadness in them. “Please, Sky, for me?” She asks, and I break. I take the bag from her and stomp up the stairs to my bedroom.

“Fine, but I have my own clothes. You didn’t have to bring me any.” I tell her when we get to my bedroom.

“I know you have clothes, but they wouldn’t have worked for today.” She tells me, as I dump the clothes on the bed. I look at the clothes on the bed, and then I look up at Rae. It’s the same outfit she’s wearing. What the?

“Why am I supposed to wear the same thing you wear?” I ask confused.

“Simple, it’s spirit week honey.”

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