A five star reaction to life

the past things: Brain dump

My mind is shaking my earth is quaking
Why am I still not breaking

I'll walk away and never turn around

I can pretend to

will of steel

I gotta let you know I got a will of steel

nothing you got could feel better than this and that's feeling real

I'm ma be living it up living p to my own standards

one thing about me is when i aim is I aim to hit and I learn when I miss

Yeah you live in fascination of the hallucination that you hold all the cards

I'll be honest I trip you trip we all trip were all  a part of this thing called being a human being

Yet there's a difference between seeking your potential and failing that which is detrimental

come on and give me the beat

I'll show you who steals the flames heat

just another thing that's normal that I will never know yet another side of me I promise I'll never show

clearly you're mistaken wrong

the day after the day after love and here I am falling deeper and deeper into this stupid  catastrophe called love

Only this time its brighter and scarier than ever before because this time I can actually feel something stirring inside me like a long awaited existence I never knew existed the only thing I can do is write incessantly because to express all things out loud could disrupt the natural order of things. I can't help but feel anything but deeper.  My life is chaos yet I just want him in it. I've tried not to feel this way trust me I have but my ideals and my walls are crumbling as I breathe Someone please stop this I'm whispering inside by my outsides are screaming an entirely different story I need this and I want this I don't even give a fuck how much its going to hurt if it ends up wounding my heart its a scar I'd gladly endure. There's only so much I can allow myself to believe Like I believe he cares for me not but taking a look at our past I wouldn't dare for it to last. The more I withhold maybe the less i'll die inside when it all falls apart. 

you're the best feeling I've ever had

he called me a legend

I'm head over heels 

shamelessly into you

leaping aimlessly for you

intimately intertwined

replaying all the takes since you

pressing rewind relaying anything to do with you

I gotta admit you're all there is

welcome to the antagonist mind

I'd like to introduce you to the maniacally egotistical

all rise this is glorification in process

you think you've got an idea of who it is to me be

you only observe the circuitry you don't comprehend the internal work of me

never compare me to the worst of me my enemy

what I am and what I think of me are totally different hypocrisies

All I needed was the thought of losing you to teach me what fear is

I love a man who should be named heaven bc his eyes are the universe sand his hands are all the galaxies intertwined. 

grant me what I breathe for deny me that which I greed for

you are my illusion 

my one and only sedation

my heart belongs in your left breast pocket

you are what my arteries beat for

devoted incessantly to your fingertips

lost in the qualms of your sweet sweet lips

If I had a wish I'd wish for absolutely nothing more. 

give me a stem to stab with my thorns I'm pretty sure I couldn't care less your  pinion is not how I'll base my own clean yourself yup your an annihilated mess

can someone help me I'm giving in to me I think the enemy has found a home in me 

give me a dopamine hit my moods been killed and it needs revival

consider me an evil grip I'm sure  to not let go give me a mind to fill bc mines been boiling over

life couldn't possibly be more shaken I'm sure I'd rather be stirred 

transitioning

my youth is almost gone now I'm older

I'm still not sure what being an adult means

I've always had a hard time fitting in

here I am again I can't relate here I am cagain

thought I know I can make a difference somehow

I stood alone then , I stand alone now

Onlyt difference is my yearss

sure of myself more than I've ever been I've always been an oddity quirky I've got a dram to be better than my enemy. 

Sometimes I get lost in who I am supposed to be. 

Especially when I remember who I used to be

Here I am looking at things I can't have as if having them will somehow fill the voids

Flirting with my madness collaborating with my vices

Disaster is awaiting my fascinations affiliating with enemy my best best frenemy

Giving in to me taking out from you

They say its o kto look as long as you don't touch 

I disagree cause my eyes seem to be the most seductive tool in my bag of tricks

Look don't touch my eyees offend so muych

heart racing feet pacing brain spacing

I need me some spirit something

I'm looking but I still can't find me

I need some grace from the depths of me

So I can grant myself a little mercy. 

Sometimes I think about how I'm not the prettiest girl in the room

Yet I know I'm still the prettiest

If I could hold all the pain in the world

I'd do so, so that the world could be whole. 

I'd filter every fear through my fingertips

I'd use sand to exfoliate away the shame

and my heart to take the blame

Soem days are full of pain

to lead a way for...