the silence

thirty-seven.

    "you tired, baby?" eddy raised an eyebrow, his fingers sliding down brett's small arms and taking his hands.

    "too much talking," brett muttered. he knew eddy would understand.

    and he did. eddy pulled the smaller boy back onto his lap and held him against his chest, stroking the hair on the nape of his neck.

    "you're going to be okay. i'm proud of you," he said into brett's ear.

    the two of them were ignoring side glances and blatant stares from the other patients' visitors. receiving affection and attention from eddy helped brett to feel better, and he'd almost never felt worse. the opinions of other people were irrelevant to him. he squeezed his eyes shut and put his hands over his face to hide it.

    eddy was nearly oblivious to the stares. it was never really clear to him why people stared at him and brett, and he was able to ignore it to the point where he almost didn't notice it happening at all. brett's reaction was usually what drew his attention to it.

    not caring what anyone in that room thought, eddy leaned down and pressed his lips to brett's once more. the smaller boy seemed to melt into his arms as their mouths moved against each other's, slowly and softly as if it were the first time and they were nervous. eddy pulled away first and looked at brett's closed eyes and pink lips, finding himself falling in love all over again. he wanted nothing more than to scoop brett up and carry him out of that place and back home. it hurt that he couldn't.

"bretty?" eddy said softly after a few more minutes of comfortable silence.

"hm," brett mumbled in response.

"can we talk about mae being in here with you?" he asked, biting his lip. it was all he could think about.

"rather not. talk about happy things," brett's voice was quiet and rather deadpan, even more so than usual. he definitely didn't sound like his usual bubbly self, and eddy did not like it. happiness wasn't constant with brett, as expected, but he'd never sounded so... lifeless. it was as if something had sucked all of the light from his eyes and taken it somewhere far from his reach.

"brett, i can't just—" he began, trying to explain his concern. but the smaller boy interrupted.

"eddy, please," he shook his head. "i don't want to talk about it. please. we can talk about anything except that."

the younger man took a deep breath and adjusted his position on the small couch, glancing at the time nervously. visitation was over in thirty minutes and he'd have to send brett back behind those doors, into what was the unknown for eddy. he'd have to say goodbye to him knowing that he was about to be extremely unhappy. the thought terrified him. he pulled brett closer.

"can you talk about what we're gonna do when i get home?" brett asked, sadness clear in his voice. eddy nodded and thought for a moment.

"i'll take you to eat wherever you want," he began, watching brett's face carefully to analyze his reaction. a small smile spread across his face.

"can we go get coffee?" he asked, looking down at his lap. eddy nodded.

"yeah, we can go get coffee. do you want to go home or to my house next?"

"hm," brett muttered, pursing his lips in thought. "home. gotta get all my shit put back."

eddy laughed softly and pushed brett's hair off of his forehead. his skin had paled since the last time eddy saw him.

"okay. i'll help you put your things away," he nodded. brett crossed his arms and kept thinking.

"i really just want to lay with you, is all. we can watch a movie or something, i don't care," he sighed. "i just want you to take me home." the tears had returned to his eyes and one slipped over the edge, slowly making its way down his cheek. eddy wiped it off.

"you just have to make it through a few more days. i promise you'll be alright. you're strong, bretty," eddy said reassuringly, resting his hand on the other boy's cheek.

brett said nothing. all of the things he wanted to say were too sad or uncomfortable, so he kept his mouth shut. he heard pieces of other people's conversations and tried his best to ignore them. all he wanted to focus on was how good eddy smelled and the way his calloused hands felt against the soft skin of brett's back. he did not feel very strong in that moment. he felt like his insides were crumbling and eddy was trying to help him get them back to normal.

thirty minutes went by a lot faster than one would expect. time in that place had a funny way of passing, clocks seeming to stay still all day until you actually got what you needed. the miserable hours endlessly ticked by, while brett's time with eddy seemed to slip right through his fingers.

when time came for eddy to leave, brett was a disaster. he'd started crying again and clung tightly to eddy's waist all the way to the door.

"here," eddy said once they'd made it there, taking off his jumper and revealing the shirt underneath. "take this."

brett snatched the article of clothing away immediately and pulled it over his head. amused at how small he looked, eddy planted a soft kiss to his forehead and hugged him once more.

"i'll see you tomorrow, okay? and i won't be late. i promise."

"okay," brett sniffled. eddy wiped the tears off of his boyfriend's face.

"i love you. i've got to go, okay?"

"i love you," brett mumbled, his arms not moving from eddy's waist.

"bretty..." eddy said slowly, trying to pull away a bit. brett nodded and dropped his arms, wiping his tears and pulling the sleeves of eddy's jumper over his hands.

the two said goodbye and disappeared from each other's sight once more, the strange emptiness returning to their hearts once again.