the silence

thirty-four.

brett woke up long before eddy, his racing thoughts causing his sleep to be light and restless. the taller boy was still completely out. brett sighed deeply and ran his hand through eddy's fluffy hair and kissed the top of his head.

truthfully, he didn't know how to feel about the whole situation. getting help had always been something that terrified him because he wasn't sure if he wanted to get better. his entire personality had been built around trying to cope with the crippling anxiety and the walls he'd built up around himself were practically indestructible.

losing half of the rare exceptions to that statement hadn't helped, either. jamie was the first person brett had ever really let in, and he was gone. his father was one of brett's favorite people as well. eddy and nicolas, which brett wasn't even particularly close to, were all he had left. he had no idea what to do.

    what also didn't help was the way the hospital staff treated him. his entire morning had consisted of bloodwork and people asking him for things without giving him any information about what was going on, leaving him terrified and clueless. seeing eddy's face had been the first decent thing to happen to him all day, even if it was riddled with stress and concern. he nuzzled his face in eddy's neck as he thought about it, leaving a trail of soft kisses down to his collarbone.

another thing he really didn't want was to be without even talking to eddy for days. his anxiety told him that eddy's handsomeness and charm would inevitably lure someone in during that period of time and he'd fall just as hard and fast for them as he had for brett. the smaller boy had yet to understand why eddy gave him any attention anyways. his overwhelming lack of self confidence made him feel like eddy was wasting his time, despite the fact that they both loved each other.

sighing loudly, brett shook as head as if to clear his untamable thoughts like an etch-a-sketch. all of the thinking he'd been doing exhausted him and he scooted closer to eddy and his warmth, rubbing his tired eyes. all he really wanted was to go home and take his beautiful boyfriend with him. the taller boy looked especially handsome in the soft, natural lighting of the room, his brown hair falling in his face and his muscular chest nearly bursting out of his tight shirt as it rose and fell. brett slid his small hand up under the fabric and pressed his cold fingers against the warm skin of eddy's stomach.

    "cold," eddy mumbled, only half awake. brett laughed for the first time that day and put his other hand on the same spot.

    eddy rolled onto his sides and enveloped brett's small hands with his own, holding them tightly and lifting them to his face. a dark blush spread across brett's face as eddy planted warm, soft kisses all over his fingers.

"you okay?" the younger boy asked tiredly, not releasing brett's hands. he nodded.

"just cold," he admitted. the temperature of the room hadn't fazed him until he'd felt the other boy's warm breath on his hands. but, now that he'd noticed it, he was freezing. a shiver ran down his spine and he shook his head.

    "come closer, then," eddy said, pulling the thin blanket up to their chins and pressing a kiss to brett's forehead. the smaller boy blushed as eddy's arms snaked around his waist and pulled him closer.

     "i don't want to be in this place anymore," brett whispered, resting his head on eddy's shoulder. he nodded.

"i know, baby. but you really need help and i can't give it to you. maybe it's not so bad to go to a place where they can. i'll come see you and call you whenever i can, okay? i promise," he said soothingly, his calloused hands rubbing the soft skin of brett's back.

"i'm not going to be able to practice. i'm gonna forget how to play," brett mumbled, clenching his teeth as tears stung his eyes once again. eddy shook his head and kissed his forehead once again.