Growing Pains

33

Jin fidgeted and squirmed in his seat.

He couldn't stay still as he kept looking up at the upper levels of his school's auditorium.

Jin was graduating today.

His parents waved at him every time he made eye contact with them, and his older brother kept sticking his tongue out at him.

Jin's brother had gotten permission from his naval base commander to be there, and it made Jin happy that his family was present for this important event in his life.

But the one he wanted most to be there was absent, and it made his heart ache.

His eyes began to tear up.

"Jin, are you okay?"

Jin turned to his right and gave a small smile.

"I'm okay, Joonie. Don't worry."

Jin looked down, unable to hold his friend's gaze any longer as his heart began to crack.

But Namjoon kept glancing over to him, and at one point he put his hand over Jin's to squeeze it reassuringly.

Jin immediately pulled his hand out from Namjoon's hold, and watched as a tear fell on his lap.

"Jin..."

"I'm fine, Joonie. Please stop hovering."

"The boy is not worth your tears, Jinnie."

"Enough, Namjoon!" Jin snapped.

He could feel his friend's heavy gaze on him but he refused to look up.

He couldn't bear to see the look of sympathy on the other's face again.

It's been all he's seen on Namjoon's face since the day he'd told him about what happened between himself and Jungkook.

He was just grateful that his friend hasn't once said "I told you so."

Namjoon had told him to tell Jungkook about Hanyang as soon as he'd heard that Jin had accepted their offer but Jin had hesitated.

He had been so afraid of hurting his dongsaeng so he had dilly-dallied until he suddenly realised that his graduation was just around the corner and he would be leaving for Seoul the day after.

So he had told Jungkook that night, when Jungkook had walked him home after they got back from town.

And it had gone as badly as he expected.

Flashback...

"You're going to the same university as HIM?!"

Jungkook's face was flushed with anger.

Jin could see he was barely holding on to his temper.

He doesn't understand why his dongsaeng hated his friend so much.

Namjoon was his classmate and his friend, whereas Jungkook was his best friend and his precious love.

There was no reason for the animosity.

"No! I forbid it! You've already been accepted to the university here. You said you were staying."

"Jungkook-ah, I ne-"

"No! No! No!"

"Kookie please..."

Jin thought the nickname that he had given to Jungkook when he was little would calm him down but it didn't.

"No, you're staying. I'm your dongsaeng. You promised. You promised you would always protect me."

"Kookie, I will always pro-"

"You can't go. You're my hyung."

The younger's breath hitched.

"You're my hyung," he repeated.

Jin had looked away upon hearing Jungkook's words.

They were like spikes going through Jin's heart, drawing blood until there was nothing left.

That's all I'll ever be to this beautiful boy I helped raise.

This boy that I love, and will love to my dying day.

He took a deep breath to harden his resolve before turning back to Jungkook.

"You're growing up, Kookie. You're growing up beautifully. And hyung knows that you're going to be amazing if hyung isn't there to hold you back."

"No, hyung, no! You've never held me back. You've always encouraged me. Always pushed me to do better. To be better. Please, hyung. Don't leave. Don't leave me. I can't do this without you."

"Yes, you can, Jungkook. I know you can. Hyung has faith in you."

Jin couldn't take it anymore so he pulled Jungkook into his arms.

He could feel his heart shattering as he inhaled the scent that was uniquely Jungkook.

I will miss this scent, I will miss it so much.

"I love you, Jungkook. Remember that. Hyung will always love you."

There.

He said it.

He finally said what he'd been holding in his heart for so long.

But Jungkook will never know.

Jungkook will never know that Jin's love is not the love between friends, not the love between brothers.

Jin's love for Jungkook is the love a man has for his soulmate, the love a man has for his one and only.

But Jungkook will never know that.

Because Jungkook doesn't love Jin the same way.

Jungkook shoved Jin hard to break out of his embrace, and he ran.

The shove sent Jin tumbling onto the floor, banging his hip against the corner of his bed, and making him wince from the impact.

But his worry for his dongsaeng was greater than his pain so Jin forced himself up off the floor and limped after Jungkook.

He didn't want the youngster running off into the night in winter.

When he saw Jungkook disappear into the house next door, he breathed a sigh of relief and went back to his bedroom, silent tears marking his steps on the floor.

End of flashback...

Jin had sent numerous text messages to Jungkook that night and more the next day, apologising for leaving him but the younger never responded.

He had kept calling and texting him, and last night he had sent a text message to remind him of his graduation but all of his attempts had gone unanswered.

Despite the deafening silence from his dongsaeng, Jin still had hope that Jungkook would turn up but he didn't.

When Jin left for Seoul the next morning, he looked over to the house next door, hoping that Jungkook would come out to say goodbye.

Instead of Jungkook, his mother had come, bearing containers of homemade food and a bit of spending money.

Jin had tried to decline the cash but Jungkook's mum was adamant, reminding him that he was like a son to her so he had accepted.

Before Jin climbed into Namjoon's car to begin the drive to Seoul, he looked up to Jungkook's bedroom window but his dongsaeng was not there.

He had wanted to see Jungkook one last time but it was not to be.

It broke Jin's heart.