xplr ; colby brock

gone but never forgotten

at the house, i went in and took whatever was left of my makeup off and pulling my hair up into a bun and put on a hoodie.

i sat down on the floor of my bedroom and turned my camera on.

"hi guys. so i'm gonna say it now, i don't want to cry in this video but i also know that's impossible. because i didn't only lose one of my best friends, i lost a sister. i haven't practiced what i'm gonna say in this video but i'm only doing one take on it." i said, breathing out to help myself from crying.

"as most of you know, one of my best friends, alexis christopher, passed away on november 7th. she did die of an overdose. we all knew she was struggling with something but we didn't realize it was that bad. she did try to get help for it, though." i said

"alexis was pretty much my sister since we were babies. our moms both worked a lot so we were in daycare, which is where we met. she was the only girl i would share my dollies with because i trusted her not to mess up their hair." i laughed at the memory

"we were 3 when we met and we became best friends. our moms became friends because we always wanted to be together so we had play dates all the time. when she was 8, she moved into the apartment right below mine in new york and she lived there till she was 14. you would never see us apart. my family took her with us on every trip with us and even just to go to the grocery store." i said, as a few tears fell down my face.

"when she was 14 and i was 15, her mom got a job in florida which obviously crushed both of us. so we begged and begged and begged for alexis to be able to live with me, since she already basically did. they finally agreed so she moved into my house. she had her own room there but we both typically just stayed in my room so we could be together." i said, wiping the tears that were falling down my face.

"so when i was starting freshmen year of high school, my mom wanted to enroll me in a private school which meant my mom had to enroll and pay for both of us to go to this private school. she was treated like a daughter. my mom would yell at her for acting out, if my mom bought me a gucci purse, she would buy alexis a gucci purse. we were equal. when i was 18, i got expected into USC and she flew out to LA with me and we lived in an apartment together. and then we eventually moved into our current house with all of our friends." i said

"you really never do realize how much someone means to you until they're gone. alexis and i grew apart a little bit this year but we were getting back to where we used to be. i know everyone was saying about how she was acting spacey and distant in our last video and i noticed too. i went into her room on november 7th to ask her what was wrong and why she was acting strange. i walked in and noticed she was laying on the floor. i held and bawled into my best friends lifeless body until the paramedics could come. i had to watch them attempt to resurrect her. that wasn't the last image i wanted of my best friend." i cried into my hands for a moment before putting myself back together.

"she was the strongest girl i knew. she wouldn't put up with anybody's shit. she was the kindest soul ever and that's how i'll remember her. i remember that she liked my recent boyfriend, colby before we met them so she was upset when we started dating but then a few weeks into our relationship, she sat me down and told me how happy she was for me. and that showed me that she was the most selfless person." i paused, taking a deep breath.

"as for this channel, i will leave it up however this will probably be the last video on this channel. i'm sorry to anyone who loves this channel but this was for lexi and i. it wasn't for me to take over and post whatever i want. ill continue to explore with sam and colby and our other friends so you can expect some videos on my main channel but this is it for exploring with adilex." i said, crushing my heart even more.

"so one last message to my angel up in heaven. i love you. i love you so much. you meant the world to me and i don't know how i'm going to make it down here without you. you were an angel when you were on earth and now you're an angel watching over me. thank you for the 17 years of friendship and for teaching me what friendship is. i will forever be grateful for you. i love you so much baby." i cried into my hands.

i shut the camera off in that and wiped the tears that wouldn't stop falling down my face. colby came in a few minutes later and asked me if the camera was off. i said yes and he continued to hug me and hold me. neither of us said a word as i cried into his chest for the next hour. i eventually fell asleep and when i woke up in the middle of the night, colby was editing my final farewell to my best friend of 17 years.

i had asked him to make a montage of clips of alexis from videos on exploring with adilex, her channel, my channel, the sam and colby channel, etc.

i knew i couldn't edit it myself.

i ended up taking some melatonin to help me sleep and went back to bed.

i've never had to go through anything so difficult to handle before. to think that i'll never get to see my best friends face ever again.

hello i'm so sorry for such a sad update :(