Chapter Eighteen: Squirrels!

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Phineas blinked his eyes open. It was still dark, why was he awake? His eyes started to slip closed again when music cut through the silence.

Phone. His hand slapped blindly at the nightstand. It was there somewhere. One finger hit the cool plastic, and he grabbed it. Holding it in front of his face, he tried to read the caller ID. He blinked at the blurry mess, when it didn't clear up he squinted.

Then he frowned. Why was Candace calling him at this hour? Whatever hour this was.

He hit accept as he brought it to his ear. "Candy?"

"Phineas!"

The shriek had Phineas immediately pulling it away again. Yeah, it was really, really too early for whatever this was. "What?"

"It's inside! It's after me!"

His frown grew. "What's inside?" Another shriek came over the line. "Candace?" The next shill scream sounded farther away from the receiver. "Candace!"

Still clasping the cell to his ear, he stumbled his way out of bed. It was nothing. Probably. Candace was prone to overreactions. The reassurances didn't ease the worry taking root in his gut. Flipping on the light, he yanked on the first pair of pants he found.

"Candace?" he tried again. Her side had been dead silent since the last scream.

Pulling on one shoe, he hopped out of his bedroom, almost tripping over Perry in the process.

There was a baseball bat somewhere. But it probably wasn't an intruder. If it was, she would have called the police before him, right? And he needed to actually get there. He stopped hopping.

He still had Vanessa's keys.

He shouldn't though.

Should he?

He'd known her longer than Ferbs and she'd let him borrow it. And she had let him drive it.

It might be an emergency.

Putting his foot down, he removed the cellphone from his ear and sent off a quick text saying he was borrowing her car, with an 'it's an emergency' thrown in for good measure.

Hopefully, she would understand.

The sun had yet to peek over the horizon as Phineas crept up the walkway to his sister's front door, wooden bat held tightly in both hands

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The sun had yet to peek over the horizon as Phineas crept up the walkway to his sister's front door, wooden bat held tightly in both hands. He tried not to think of what this probably looked like to any neighbors that might be glancing out their windows. If any neighbors were even awake.

He went to knock before stopping. Should he? If it was an intruder, that would give him away. But if it wasn't and the door was open, Candace might get even more freaked out at him coming in unannounced.

Before he could come to a decision, the door was ripped open.

A hand caught the bat before it could hit the person in the doorway. Phineas blinked at it. Had he swung it?

"You brought a baseball bat?" Candace hissed.

"I didn't know what the problem was." Really? What did she expect when she gave him literally nothing to go on except 'it's inside'?

"Just come in." She let go of the bat.

Walking inside, he looked around for anything that was obviously out of place. But nothing seemed off.

While she closed the door, he asked, "So what is inside?"

Candace didn't respond right away. "There... was a squirrel. In my bedroom."

"Oh." No wonder she was so freaked. He sighed, twirling the bat. There was no way was he going to use it on a squirrel. "Couldn't Jeremy take care of it?" Actually... "Where is he, anyway?"

"Out." The clipped answer made Phineas frown. She still wasn't facing him.

"Candace?" He leaned the bat against the wall. "Did something happen? I mean, other than the squirrel." Truthfully, he couldn't imagine there being a problem between them. Her and Jeremy were one of the few couples he knew that did seem completely perfect for each other.

She turned to him, finally, and sighed. "He's at Suzy's."

He hadn't known she was back in Danville. Unless Jeremy wasn't. But even if he left to go see her, Phineas wasn't seeing the problem. "Okay?"

"Don't you get it?" Candace grabbed him by the shoulders, eyes wide. "I went to sleep with the windows closed. I woke up with a squirrel in my room and an open window. She's after me."

"How did she do did that if Jeremy's with her?"

"I don't know!" She jerked back from him, giving herself a self-hug. "But I know it's her. She's trying to get to me so she can have Jeremy."

"Candace-"

"It's not paranoia if she's really after me."

"That's not what I was going to say." He was going to phrase it differently than paranoia. "But c'mon, why would Suzy be after you? She's a sweetheart."

"For Jeremy, aren't you listening?"

He was, but that didn't make it more believable. Even with this having gone on for years, he still couldn't see her as anything other than a nice, preppy girl who idolized her big brother.

"I know she's after me, Phineas. The squirrel told me-"

Phineas threw up his hands. "Woah, woah, wait, the squirrel told you?" Now, concern was starting to sink in. She'd never mentioned squirrels talking before. Normally, it was just the zebra.

Candace paled. "Um..."

He took a slow step towards her, keeping his voice soft as he spoke, "Why don't we go sit down or something, and we can talk about this, okay?" Laying a hand on her arm, he tugged on it lightly. "I'll make you some tea or something. You still drink tea sometimes, right?"

"I don't want tea, Phineas."

"Then we'll just sit and you tell me about it." If she was seeing things again, it was no wonder she was getting paranoid. Or maybe it was Suzy being around that had set it off again, Candace had had strange ideas about Jeremy's sister since she'd met her.

When she still didn't move, he resisted a sigh. "Or we could talk about something else? Where's Amanda? I thought all this talking would've brought her out here."

"I had to work late, so Jeremy took the kids to his parents before he left." Shooting him a weak glare, she pried his hand off. "You don't have to go all," she waved a hand at him, "whatever this is on me. I didn't mean to say it. I know squirrels can't talk, or zebras, and Perry's not a secret agent, and the bunny I had when I was fourteen was not a ninja, I know, Phineas, I know."

He bit his tongue to stop from commenting on that. He already had enough regretful memories of making less-than-thoughtful comments about Candace's hallucinations that would lead to screaming matches, though once he started yelling, Candace generally shut up.

She rubbed at her face. "Can you pretend you didn't hear it and go take care of the squirrel in my room?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Yeah, I can do that." Getting rid of the squirrel would be easy, the other part not so much.





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