Through My Eyes

Bonus Chapter: Bree

Kung ayaw mo na

Huwag kang mag-alala na baka di ko kaya

Kung ayaw mo na

Ay bitawan mo na kahit na ang puso'y kumakabig pa

My heart is aching right now! No, it's not just this stupid muscle. It's every bit of me that is agonizing because I've just lost my one great love. This time, I know, she'll never come back!

Is this the same feeling I brought her when I admitted that I'm no longer sure about her? The same pain I caused her when I gave up on us? Or is it more painful because I know for myself that I wasn't able to give her the right amount of love that she deserves, yet, I broke her heart even more?

I'm drowning in this feeling. So much pain that I can no longer bear! Words aren't enough to describe how every beat of my heart regrets the fact that I was the one who pushed her away! My every breath is like stabbing my fragile little heart with the fact that she did nothing but love me - and I did nothing but hurt her.

So when she finally let go and found someone better, she allowed her heart to love again. My Blake is the bravest! She just loves unconditionally.

I can't blame Charlie if she fell in love with my B. Who wouldn't if someone is as sweet, caring, understanding, thoughtful, and loving as my Blake? Charlie's the luckiest because I'm sure that B will shower her with more love - maybe beyond what she already gave me.

As the song says, "You will only know you love her when you let her go." Damn! Why do we always have to realize someone's worth when they're already gone? How could I be such a fool?

I feel like Blake is singing this song to me. 

She's right! She waited and gave me a lot of chances for me to realize her worth, but I was a coward. I did nothing! I tried but when I felt that I no longer deserve her, I let her go again. I was too late to make up my mind so I let her slip away!

I was so excited when she replied to my invitation to come home and help me with my presentation. I knew it, she still loves me, she still cares! 

It was already late yet she's not responding to my messages, maybe she's on the way. Oh, I think she's driving that's why she can't reply. I need to be patient!

"Bree, tara na at maghain na tayo at kakain na..." Mom said while I was looking outside from our living room.

"Ma, few more minutes, please. I invited Blake eh... She said she'll be here!" I pleaded.

Mom smiled and moved closer to me, "Kayo na ba uli?"

I moved my head from side to side to disagree.

"Babalikan mo na ba?" Mom asked.

"I want to Ma, pero...." I answered hesitantly.

"Pero ano? Blake is a good person and we know how much she loves you. She's a good partner too! Napagtiisan nya lahat ng tantrums mo. Hindi ka ba rin ba convinced? I mean ano pa ba hesitations mo?" Mom paused.

I know my facial reaction changed. I know in my heart that I'm still confused. What should I do?

"But we also understand na may mga bagay na di ka pa sure and normal lang naman yun. Kung tutuusin, dapat maging masaya kami lalo kung pipiliin mong magmahal ng lalaki. Pero alam kong hindi naman napipilit yun at nirerespesto namin ng papa mo ang desisyon mo. Sana lang pag-isipan mo ng mabuti at wag mong masyadong paasahin si Blake kung wala na talaga kasi maawa ka naman sa kanya. Napakabait naman sa pamilya natin at mukang di ka naman nya basta iniwan. Palayain mo ng tuluyan kung ayaw mo na talaga ng maging masaya na din siya." Mom explained.