Letting Go- WATTY AWARDS 2011!

Letting Go- Day 2

"Listen to me, Jenny. You have so much more than this. You will get married and have kids and be happy. But that will never happen if you don't do this. Just concentrate really hard, please." Daniel was sitting on the opposite side of the bed.

            He was holding my hand pleading with me. I didn't want to go back though. Every time I pictured getting married or having kids, it was always with Daniel. He was my fist love and he always said he would be my last.

"Can we fly? Or would we just fall?" I asked him. I had been trying to change the subject all day. I was tired of talking about going back.

"We would fall and then end up back here." He pinched the bridge of his nose, which he did when he got frustrated. "Jenny, can you please stay on the subject?"

"And why are we getting higher in the sky?" Yesterday you could see some land below the clouds. But today you couldn't see anything but clouds. Clouds above our heads. Clouds below our bed. Clouds on our sides.

"Every day you spend up here it gets harder for you to back. It puts distance between you and your body. Which is why you need to go."

"How many days do I have to decide if I want to leave this nice, comfy bed?" I smiled at him, but he gave me a hard look. He hated when I tried to put a little humor in a serious conversation.

"Seven days. You already wasted one, so six more."

"And how do you know all of this?" I asked. It was kind of frustrating that he knew everything.

"I already told you, Jen. I went on a detour and saw everything that happened."

"Yeah, but how do you know about the amount of days and everything? Someone had to tell you that." I said. I knew he was keeping something from me, but he was too stubborn to tell me anything anymore.

"That's not important! The only thing I care about is you! Which is why you have to leave!" His cheeks turned red under his tan skin.

"Why do you want me to leave you?" I didn't want to know the answer. Before the wreck I had felt us getting farther and farther apart, and every time I tried to get closer he pushed me away again. Something had been going on for a while, but he said I was imagining it or being dramatic.

He looked down at earth. Not saying anything. Barely even breathing.

"Because I don't love you anymore." I could hear the strain in his voice.

"Say it again." I said. Suddenly, I was furious. No one can just stop loving someone like that. He said he wanted to grow old with me.

"Because I don't love you anymore."

He said I was the girl he wanted to marry. He said I was the one he wanted to have kids with.

"And again." I shouted threw my teeth.

He said I was the one he cared about.

"Because I don't love you anymore! Is that enough times or do you want to hear it again?"

He said I was the one he loved. The one he loved more than life. The one he would do anything for.

"Say it one more time, and I'll believe you. Say it one more time and I'll go back."

You don't just stop loving someone like that. If you love someone, you never stop loving them. No matter what they do or say. No matter what happens, you love them.

"I don't love.... I don't... I... "He bit his bottom lips and took a deep breath. "I don't know how to make you listen, Jen. How can YOU love someone who is dead? How can you sit there and love me after I told you to leave? After I told you that I don't love you?" Tears pooled in his eyes, but he wouldn't look at me.

"Because I know you lied. If you didn't love me, then you wouldn't care if I went back. And no matter what you say, I'll never stop loving you. Even if you are dead."

"Jenny, please go back. I don't want you to give up your life because of this."

"Where will I go if I stay here for seven days?" I asked.

"You asked the one question I have no clue how to answer." He smiled and crawled across the bed towards me.

"I never thought I was going to see you again. I thought after that wreck, we were torn apart forever. And I have time to tell you I love you. And I have to spend with you. And I don't want to give up. I don't want to give you up." Tears were running down my cheeks. I took in a deep breath and then choked it out.

"I know. All I wanted was the chance to say I love you. And that I would never stop. And now I have the chance to save your life. You just have to go back." A few tears escaped his eyes too.

"I know I do. And I will. But not until six more days. I at least want the chance to say goodbye."

"Jenny, do you promise? You will go back?"

"Only if we don't discuss this anymore. We have to just spend time with each other. Our last six days together should be happy, right?"

I didn't want to leave him. I wanted to see his face every day. I wanted to feel his arms around me every second.

"Deal." Tears kept coming out of his eyes and falling on the bed.

After six days, I would never feel his lips on mine. I wouldn't feel his hand on cheek. I wouldn't wake up to his face. I wouldn't smell his cologne. I wouldn't see his smile.

I wouldn't have him in my life anymore.