She fell in love now she's open, gave him her heart and he stole it. All of his lies got her frozen, Now you can tell that She's Broken but He's Okay.
- Marissa
Seana Washington is what some would describe as naive, weak, blind, and d...
Searching high and Low for peace of mind I feel I lost a piece of mine and I wish that time never mattered - Snoh Aalegra
Seana Washington 6 months later
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Lost. Empty. Broken. Torn. Depressed. Gone.
Those are the only words that I can think to describe myself right now. Since we moved to New York my life has been a living hell.
A few weeks after Sanity and I made up, he started to hit the bottle pretty often. That's not even the worst of it. He started to do cocaine and that made him more aggressive.
Every night he would come home drunk and did a few lines in front of me. After that he would have sex with me or beat me. Sometimes even both. I say he had sex with me because it wasn't consensual.
Everyday is a fight for my life and so far I feel like I'm losing. I don't know how much longer I can take and it's driving me insane.
I deserve this. I rejected Niko and this is my karma. Now Snoopy doesn't know that I love him. Everything is ruined.
I'm ruined. I might as well leave. No one will notice if I died. No one would care. Not even me.
I picked up the razor and sat it on the side of the tub. I leaned over and started to fill the tub with cold water. I stripped my clothes and inched into the freezing bath water.
Once I was settled I looked upward and whispered,
God please forgive me.
I picked up the razor and sunk the pointy edge into my skin.
The pain was terrible but it wasn't worse than what I've already experienced. I prayed that I wouldn't end up in hell because I wouldn't be able to take eternal pain.
I was about to go further but Sanity burst through the door drunk and looked at me. He stared for a while without blinking. His face held a blank stare and I was scared of his reaction.
Before I could speak he grabbed me out of the tub and slammed me on the floor. Although I wasn't completely naked I still covered up my body. He made uncomfortable in the worst possible way.
He snatched the razor from my hand and threw it against the wall.
"This the type of shit we on now huh?"
I just looked at the ground.
"We just decide that we gon quit life without saying shit. Huh?"
He raised his hand to slap me and I tried to move away. I wasn't quick enough because his open palm turned into a closed fist. He punched me on my back and flipped me over.
"You ain't going nowhere Sea. You think Imma just let you leave after everything we been through?! We been through way too much to quit now."
"Please San, I won't tell anyone what you did. Please I'll keep my mouth shut I just wanna go home."
"Where the fuck is home for you Seana? You ain't got no one but me. Oh I see you wanna go back to Philly to start a life without me? Well that ain't happening. I ain't letting you go, not even through death. So get this leaving idea outta ya head."
He mushed my head away and started to walk out but I just had to get the last words.
"You don't own me! I can do what the fuck I want. I am in charge of myself. You don't lead shit!" I spit out scared of the outcome but I felt the need to stand up for myself.
He slowly turned around and I knew I fucked up.
He started to beat me worse than he ever did.
"Now you wanna apologise hoe! You can't just let me lead you huh? I'm the man of the house, you never question the head. I try so hard with you Seana! I try so fucking hard to please you but it's never enough is it?"
After a while I couldn't take the pain so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.
"I'm pr— pregnant Sanity."
After he made us lose our first child, he promised to give me another one. I wanted a child just not with him. I knew that would make him stop.
After apologising and picking me up, he put me in the car.
On the way to the hospital I didn't know what I would do once they told Sanity that I lied. Shortly after that I blacked out.
Waking up in the hospital I grew nervous. I thought about how I lied to Sanity and my anxiety kicked in. The heart monitor was triggered which woke Sanity up.
He rushed over to the bed and looked at me.
"You're okay Sea. Calm down Mama. Calm down."
Him saying calm down actually made me even more scared and I started to hyperventilate. He ran out of the room screaming for the nearest nurse.
She came in and tried to calm me down but I just started to break down in tears.
"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step out for a few minutes."
"I'm not going nowhere. Fuck You thought this was. I need to be in here with her! This is my girl! I-
"Sir she is losing oxygen you have to leave."
He kissed his teeth and turned around to look at me.
"Don't answer no questions without me in here. Do you understand?" He got closer and through my panic attack I nodded my head just to get him out.
After the nurse calmed me down she sat beside me on the bed. She looked extremely familiar and I could see someone I knew in her eyes.
"Are you okay sweetheart?"
"Honestly?"
"Yes. Everything here is confidential."
"No. Nothing is going right. I can't seem to do anything right anymore. He always gets mad over the little things. Then when he does get mad he hi—
I was blabbering so much that I almost slipped up and told the nurse I was getting abused.
Hey everyone 👋🏾👋🏾I know it's been a while but I'm trying to get my grades together before break and I've been scrambling 🥺but I'm going to publish more during our break next starting next Friday💗until next time✌🏾✌🏾
